It’s a funny thing to read, isn’t it… “Ethics of BDSM”. It’s all about exploring debauched kinkiness without reservation, without boundaries and without even a second thought, right?
Wrong. Dead Wrong.
When I first got into the scene, that was my understanding. Do whatever you want, however you want – have fun – have no regret. Do keep in mind, I was just 18 at the time. Ah, young and stupid.
I attended many play parties where there didn’t seem to be any ryhme or reason to the flow of the scenes presented. I also didn’t see a whole lot of discretion – everyone knew everyone else right? And I certainly didn’t see much care in the practice, given that most fetish parties were held at bars or night clubs that offered cheap, delicious booze.
Booze and BDSM? Sure why not….
I didn’t really form my own throughts on the whole thing because well, frankly, I was just happy to be allowed to participate, and I was having a great time. Who was I to point anything out?
Years later I’ve developed a certain code of conduct in relation to ALL of my D/s activities. It’s something I wish everyone who partook of such activities would consider and adopt as their own person set of rules, but from what I can tell things have indeed changed over the last decade – there is a slew of highly regarded, responsible Dominants who do play by some very strict rules – but for your personal knowledge …here’s my little list of Promises to you.
1. Booze and BDSM don’t mix. For that matter, no mind or mood altering substances should ever be in the mix when playing. I can’t imagine being on the sub side of the action, knowing my top just did a few jello shots or a hit of pot…and I know personally my ability to judge pain (giving or receiving) is impaired when I’m not 100% sober.
Rule #1 I will NEVER play with anyone who is intoxicated – nor will I ever play with anyone while intoxicated.
2. Cleanliness counts! We’ve all been to play parties where floggers, cuffs and paddles are casually passed around between tops and bottoms to enjoy continuous play. To this, I just shake my head. It doesn’t take much in the heat of the moment to break a little skin, to transfer bacteria or microbials to another individual. The chances of infection or spreading something is rather slim, but I’d personally rather not take the chance. When fluids of ANY kind are involved (blood, saliva, urine etc…)it devastatingly important to sanitize in between uses. Taking a risk with someone elses health just isn’t my thing.
Rule #2 I will never use an item that has not been sterilized by me personally. I will also never let someone enter my personal play space until everything is entirely clean and able to pass the dreaded black light test.
3. Safety is key. I think my biggest priority outside of making sure my play toy is having a good time, is making sure they are safe. This is a pretty universal commitment with anyone who takes play time seriously. I understand the potent power of endorphins and it’s pretty common knowledge that when in that “sub space” you may not recognize signs of danger. As a Top, my Rule #3, and my biggest promise to my clients is – I will NEVER let you get hurt. I will constantly be monitoring you during play, always watching for any cues or hints that we are passing into dangerous ground. Additionally, I will never attempt an activity with a client before I have mastered it to the best of my ability.
4. Discretion protects our safety. I know the biggest fear some of my visitors have is running into me outside of our play space. The immediate sense of panic they would feel laying eyes on me in a public setting. Rest assured, I have no desire to interrupt lives, ruin relationships or otherwise disturb the delicate balance that is your life outside of me. I will NEVER EVER approach you – no matter how friendly we are in session. I also ask that you in turn do not approach me. Believe it or not, there are still a few people in my life that don’t know my “I’m a Dominatrix” secret, and in short, I’d like to keep it that way. Rule #4 I promise you, I will never do anything to endanger your privacy.
5. Along the same lines, I am a bit of a secret keeper. I have had thousands of slaves confide in me with their darkest desires. They have entrusted me with information that they likely have not told anyone! In most cases, they have also give me their contact information as well as told me about themselves in casual conversation. I value that trust and I would never do anything to break it. Rule #5 Your secrets are safe with me. If you can’t trust me, I have no way of getting to know you well enough to create memorable sessions. I would risk my own reputation by doing anything to interfere with your life, and doing harm for either of us, is not something I aim to do.
6. Now the fun….My last little rule, well maybe not a rule, but rather another promise. I will never overbook myself or play with you when I’m not into it. Sorry last minute bookers – if I am not able to get into our playtime by the time you’d like to arrive, it’s just not going to happen. I love to play – I live for it! For some that sounds hollow, but truly, because of my profession I live a very abnormal life. I choose to live this way simply because of my adoration for it. I will never be rushed into a scene that I am not ready for, and I will never accept a session that I’m not excited about. Lucky for you, there are very few things in the BDSM world that doesn’t get me going. Regardless, I do want you to know that when you call me and tell me what your lookng to explore, if I accept your session to begin with, I’m into it. Really into it.
