Bump: A Guide To Finding The Right Mistress For YOU

This little blog needs to be bumped to the top…

I know I’ve vented about this on a previous entry, but after a recent plagiarism of nearly half my website by a-new-to-the-pro-scene Seattle Mistress and hearing a few stories  of misleading ads both here and nationally; I find it more important than ever to remind you guys that finding the right dominant is a little more involved than scrolling through BP or Eros and clicking ones that have agreeable photos or clever sayings.

Any woman with a website can claim to be experienced, professional and a great Domina – however as a prospective client, there are a few things you can do to ensure your BDSM encounter is a success! BDSM is NOT a cheap hobby, protect your investment by being selective in the woman you choose!


I’m a lot of people’s first Dominatrix…

This has always been something I’ve enjoyed immensely, and for the record, I do find it to be a particular honor when someone chooses me as their introduction into the world of professional BDSM. I never take that lightly.

Lately, I’ve noticed a spike in callers who have expressed a curiosity in BDSM but they are not 100% sure what a session might entail or where to begin. I’m thrilled with the rise in interest, but I do feel I should offer a bit of guidance in selecting a woman that’s right for you, whether that turns out to be me, or another experienced Dominatrix.

First and foremost, for those who feel so “virginal” in your interests that you hesitate to contact a professional, rest assured that most of us absolutely love newbies!!! You’re a blank slate of curiosity and unexplored territory! Don’t think for a second that Pro Dommes only enjoy spending time with well seasoned submissives! We get our kicks with the harder stuff all the time, and yeah, it’s great – but there’s a certain level of skill involved in making someone new be “comfortable” in the possibilities you have to lay out for them. There’s a thrill in that!

Now, picking the right woman for YOU is a little trickier than just calling the lady with the prettiest photo – assuming of course you’d like a little more of a memory from your session aside from a quick thrill.

First think about what’s REALLY important to you: Looks, experience level, positive reviews, location, playspace, compatible interests and begin your search that way. Don’t be afraid to read through a few websites (not just look at the photos) to compare and contrast the individual style each woman presents.

Next, research her reputation: Look for interviews she’s done, reviews (on review boards – not necessarily websites), see if she’s well networked with others. The most important aspect you’re looking for is consistency – is she the SAME woman she appears to be in her ads and on her website.

In the age of review boards, you’d be hard pressed NOT to find a testimonial written by someone who has visited the Mistress in question. Be wary that you can’t always trust reviews a Mistress posts on her website if it’s text only and not a direct link to where the link originated. Websites can easily be manipulated and ladies can often type away their own fake reviews in an attempt to gain credibility. If all the website testimonials SOUND the same…..they may very well be written by the same person. That said, not every Mistress welcomes reviews, so don’t take it as a deal breaker if you can’t find anything on her.

When you have made a selection, don’t be nervous when you call, listen to how she treats you. Note her professionalism: Make sure whoever you decide to see, is respectful of you on the phone and makes an effort to put you at ease. She should be happy to answer your questions and should be willing to listen to any concerns you may have when considering booking. Do remember, it is always wise to read her website first to avoid asking her questions she has already answered. Regardless, you should be treated with courtesy and professionalism in all communications.

Read her website: The best way to get to know a Mistress is from the information she posts publically. I mean, do you not know me fairly well simply because of this blog alone? As I mentioned before, most Mistresses will also write interviews, essays, and stories in addition to the content of their websites. Read as much as you can to get a feel for her style, experience and intellect, these resources are here for YOUR benefit, a little extra homework on the Domme of your dreams will always pay off when the right decision is made.

Look at her images: Are they recent and accurate? Can you see them clearly? If looks are very important to you, make sure you can see at least one current photo that doesn’t look highly retouched. Even though they aren’t glamorous, cell phone pics will likely give you the most accurate representation of their current look.

Many women post random snapshots of themselves, if not on their websites, often you may find them on Twitter or Facebook. If a woman updates her photos frequently (at least once every 6-12 months), this is also a good sign. Do be aware that it is never appropriate to call a Mistress and ask her to take a cell phone photo and send it to you.

Ask about her space and specialties: If you can’t find the information on her website, don’t hesitate to inquire about what type of space she has. Is it an empty apartment with a spanking bench and a few dildos or is it a fully equipped space with all the toys and tools to fit YOUR fetish? Just because a woman says she has a playspace – doesn’t mean that it will have EVERYTHING you may want or need. Make sure she has what she needs to enact the type of session you are hoping for. Alternately, ask if she has experience in your particular area of curiosity if she hasn’t mentioned it elsewhere. See if the price matches the service: If it sounds too high or too low, try to understand why! Is her dungeon very large? Does she have a LOT of experience; does she offer specialized forms of play? If it’s too low, is she still learning? Does she not have a place to play or adequate toys?

Walking into a session fully informed will set you up for a better experience. Don’t be afraid to shop around, read up on the lady of your choice or even call her to see if you “click”. It is a little extra work on your end but ultimately there’s a massive difference between a good session and one that makes you kick yourself for not coming in to see her sooner!

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