When a stranger asks me to teach them to be a Dominatrix…..

I am unspeakably proud to live in a city where so many women find being a Professional Dominatrix a viable career. Yes, I do consider more than a half dozen – to be a lot of women! I actually chose Seattle as the location to plant my roots entirely because of the BDSM scene and how seriously people take their play here.  Your reputation as a city is notorious  around the rest of the country!

There’s a culture, there are review boards, reputations and accountability! You can’t just claim to be a Pro Domme because you went out to Lovers last night and bought a pair of handcuffs and a strap on. With the bar set so high due to a slew of trailblazing Mistresses, you need to back up your claim of actually being ‘experienced’. It weeds out the overwhelming majority of ‘fly by night’ ladies and seems to give more credibility to the titles we bestow upon ourselves. Bad experiences with established ladies are few and far between leaving visitors feeling confident to continue exploring their erotic evolution. The exchange between visitor and Domina is more relaxed and enveloping simply because you aren’t too likely to be ripped off, scammed, hurt, or given a horrible session. Those who play those games are sifted out like chaff from wheat.

However, it is unfortunate that in Washington there are no commercial dungeons, which is typically how people get their start in BDSM. It’s rather difficult to begin solo simply because the time commitment and cost alone of a decently equipped set up takes so many people out of the running. That’s before you consider how much personal experience you really need to have under your belt before you let a paying visitor step foot in your studio. I’m certain that’s the main reason you don’t see page after page of ads in various publications.

Naturally, in a location where such obstacles exist, many assume the only viable option is to start by emailing the advertised Dominas and asking to work for them. It makes sense if you  don’t consider the commitment you’re truly asking for from a perfect stranger, but if you think a bit about it, you’ll realize you’re asking for a huge amount of trust, personal time and free training from a woman who knows nothing about you – and you’re about the millionth person to take this short cut.

I personally received 22 such emails last year from ambitious women who wanted me to teach them to be a Mistress and allow them to work from my space…even though I’ve had it posted on my website that I’m not available for such things. (I can see they did their research *cough*) I hate to admit, that after the first dozen emails, I simply stopped responding and just starting keeping a count. I was a little fascinated.

It occurred to me to post this, as much as a plea to stop the unsolicited emails as to guide you in the right direction. Yes, after this long winded monolog – I’m actually going to provide you some useful advice!

First and foremost, the local kink community is a massive fount of pervy information that hopefully you’re already involved in. If not, there’s plenty you can learn by just getting involved and taking advantage of their numerous resources. The Center for Sex positive Culture (The Wet Spot) will often host seminars, workshops and play parties to teach proper technique on a variety of topics. You may also want to begin playing as frequently as possible with partners you know and partners you don’t, at their many events. Be direct in your experience or lack thereof so you’re playmate knows what to expect of you and develop your skills over time. Don’t rush into taking on activities you’re unsure of or haven’t researched and witnessed several times before hand. Just keep playing until you can do everything (within your comfort zone) that a paying client may ask you to do.

If you’d like more one on one private tutoring, there are quite a few individuals who solicit those services on a professional level and specialize in a number of niches (bondage, suspension, electro, medical etc). You can usually find their info online or by flyers left at Wild at Heart, The Wet Spot and sometimes the aforementioned Lovers. Just seek and ye shall find, but directing your queries to people who are actually offering the training you’re looking for is the BEST way to go about it.

Now, if you want LIVE one on one training from a practicing Mistress, expect to compensate her for her time, likely the hourly rate listed on her site. It is best to give the website a read to see if she’s already posted whether or not she’s available for teaching and what her requirements may be to get involved. Even if a discounted rate is offered for a private class, don’t expect her or any other professional to donate their time to you for free.

Last but certainly not least, be patient. The road to becoming a Professional Mistress isn’t quick, easy, glamorous or as high paying as many people seem to think. It takes work, dedication, practice and commitment, but truth be told – if your truly cut out for this line of work – you’ll enjoy every step in the path instead of aching to reach the finish line. I wake up every morning with a smile, waiting to go to ‘work’. No matter what I’ve put into this job or what its cost me, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. This type of satisfaction simply has no equal.