Fear And Anxiety VS. The Determined Dominatrix

It must have been a hard road for him.

Six months of emails, lengthy phone calls and tentative plans always canceled last minute and shortly before I was expecting his fateful knock on the door. I always knew that behavior was because he was nervous…so desperately nervous, and somehow I never grew impatient with him.

Each time his name appeared in my inbox, I wondered if *this* will be the time he and I would finally meet. Typically with such behavior, my hand holding abilities are limited, but this submissive was different. In part, his sincerity touched me deeply and I felt for him. He was clearly fighting an internal battle of self acceptance and seeing me meant acknowledging his curiosities as a legitimate part of his sexuality and self. He wanted to, but the mental block was enormous.

One hot Summer day he mustered the courage to darken my doorstep. Written all over his face, the tell tale signs of crippling fear. I was quick to sit him down for a bit of water and a chat, though my joy in his arrival only helped him slightly to relax.

Beyond the trembling in his voice, I could sense a restrained enthusiasm. He wanted to open up, to look around the dungeon, to get a bit eyeful of me in my outfit, to tell me more directly about his fantasies; but he wasn’t ready. In fact, quite plainly he admitted that he was just lucky to have gotten. Perhaps he hoped I wouldn’t notice, but his pupils dilated wildly as I recounted some of our past discussions. Certain trigger words like interrogation, control, restraint and power exchange were lighting small fires of passion behind his controlled exterior. I saw it though…plain as day.

It was time to play and it didn’t take me long to fasten him in to my interrogation chair. He was so inwardly focused that he didn’t notice I had his limbs secured under lock and key. His eyes constantly darting around the room, looking in the mirror on the opposing wall and then again around the room. He wanted to look in the mirror but that meant a visual confrontation of what was happening, he focused instead on the restraints which held him firmly in place.

His chosen scene was a specialty of mine and my militaristic look truly capped off what was sure to be a wonderful time.. (pic below)

Having gotten to know his more intimate thoughts through our earlier communications, I know just what raced through his head: Do I look ridiculous? What would my girlfriend think? What would my peers this? Am I too old for this? Is Victoria actually enjoying herself? Does this chair make my stomach stick out? Did I use enough Listerine? Did I leave my oven on?

I let him sit for a moment, standing in silent observation of his thoughtfulness. He was so absorbed, he didn’t realize I had halted the scene. I knew there was only one hope for him. He needed to get out of his head. All of this over thinking was getting him nowhere and it was about to ruin the great time he had so deeply looked forward to. Fortunately, I know of one surefire way to break someone out of that vicious cycle of self doubt: A blindfold. Oddly simplistic but it helps.

Faster than he could take his next breath, I had one placed securely around his face, refocusing his attention on his heightened senses instead of the unstoppable train of needless over thought.

He inhaled deeply.

I leaned in close, pressing my stiletto into his groin. My lips against his ear, I whispered…

Not one more thought out of you. No more questioning why you’re here or what you or anyone else would think about this. If I suspect for an instant you have focused on anything else outside this moment, I will make you pay dearly. SO dearly….

I pressed my heel very firmly, accentuating my threat. Finally, precious moans and beads of sweat formed from him. He was with me.

******

I share this with you for one important reason my dear readers: self imposed repression is the most needless hindrance to your own happiness. I am amazed at how often I encounter this in one fashion or another and it makes me want to pull those people right out of their shells and drag them into my kinky world of diabolical delights. Ultimately, I know that’s just what they need….someone to pull them into the darkness and give them permission to express themselves and accept themselves. That is the very reason why I’m here.

My dear boys…. if you ever find yourselves tamping out your desires in the name of fear: stop. Just stop. Remember, there are those of us out here who accept you, who adore you and who just want to play with you.

So just breath, relax and give yourself permission to be happy with your sexuality.

Now, as promised. My WWII inspired costuming for the day =)