Are You Holding Yourself Back? (Accepting Your Kinks)

I had every intention today of writing a blog about something erotic, provocative and perhaps even visually stimulating; but since I’m more than well-known for my tease and denial, I’m going to leave you hanging so I touch on a more relevant topic of the moment.

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Being too uncomfortable with yourself or your curiosities to go out and explore them.

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“Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things. ”  – Ray Bradbury

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Off and on, I entertain novice visitors who are ‘just now’ coming out to explore their kinky sides.

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I say ‘just now’ because more often than not, the motivation to move forward only comes after years of repression, procrastination and feelings of self-doubt that have kept them hiding from the things they crave most. It weighs on them until the internal struggle pushes them to finally say enough is enough.

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Shame or uncertainty is VERY common for newer visitors, so much so that I’ve adapted my process to accommodate a casual, pressure free and open-minded chat about their interests before we move into ANY sort of play. While I urge everyone to share as much detail as they’re comfortable with, I can always keenly sense when someone is hesitating, even after coming so far as to be sitting across the table from me in my dungeon.

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If you’ve personally experienced this type of self-stalling, just know that you’re not alone. It’s aright to be nervous or even cautious; free-flowing openness will come with time and familiarity and isn’t something you can force.

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Now I confess, I do try to stay as casual and calm as possible when listening. No one is going to feel at ease when they’re sitting across from someone who looks about ready to pounce on them. Surprisingly, I’ve heard I’m quite easy to talk to and all of this is perfectly natural to me, so conversations about how you’ve always wanted to dress like a slutty school girl while being ‘taken’ by your dominant attractive teacher is second nature. It’s as common a conversation as discussing what I had for breakfast…but I don’t expect my ease to be the only thing that helps you to feel comfortable and accepted. That needs to come from within.

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There are numerous factors that could play into someone’s personal hesitation, but there’s a mental release that MUST happen for you to fully enjoy yourself when you come to visit professionals like myself. You have to be ‘into it’. You have to WANT to be here and you have to be ready to lay down any self-conscious thoughts and simply enjoy the experience. You have to give yourself permission to be in the moment.

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As we dawn on a another busy Winter season and resolve to go out and explore boldly, I urge you to incorporate a bit of personal reassurance into your resolutions. As far as sex, eroticism and sensuality goes: I challenge you to be more self accepting. I urge you to examine negative feelings to find if there’s any place for them in your life…and finally, when you come to realize how fruitless such things are, I welcome you to come explore with me…. an open minded, non judgmental kinky partner, who aspires only to help you achieve erotic enlightenment.

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Carpe Diem Darlings!