I have to admit, I’ve been sparse for ideas lately for this blog.
Faithfully writing for over 6 years on every topic revolving around kink that my wicked mind can come up with, sometimes leaves me starting at a blank screen. Tonight however, a fresh topic presented itself – and one that I’ve never quite zero’d in on in any sense for those visiting a dominatrix….
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How to calm your nerves BEFORE you knock on her door!
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Yeah yeah, I’ve written about working up the courage to play, and I recognize that’s never easy, but tonight as I sit, having just cleaned up my dungeon for a session I’ve just had to decline – I feel annoyed, time wasted, but this is a VERY teachable moment.
So, before I jump into some helpful hints, let me tell you what just happened…
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A brand new visitor experienced a very common and human moment, getting VERY nervous about the idea of knocking on my door, so much so, that he found himself turning to happy hour at a nearby bar; not 40 minutes before arriving for his piercing session. He emailed me to simply let me know, and welcomed me to join. Now, I don’t know this gentleman – and he didn’t *ask* me if I’d mind; rather he just informed me that he’s going to have a few drinks before our meeting.
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Now, it’s pretty well-known that booze and BDSM don’t mix, especially with any form of blood play and ESPECIALLY if I haven’t met you. You’re still a stranger from the internet coming to my very private, guarded space. Respect and polite presentation will keep us mutually safe.
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So what can you do if you’re starting to feel unreasonably anxious before a booking? I’ve got some ideas for you, but first just take a breath…anxiety is normal and you’re going to be JUST fine!
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1) Turn fear into excitement! Go back to your chosen Top’s website or social media account and indulge yourself in some sexy photos, maybe even some self tease and denial. Remind yourself of how much fun you’re going to have and why you picked them in the first place!
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2) Use logic! Most people research a LOT before jumping into something like this, remember that you’ve likely chosen this person to get naughty with you because you have a lot in common, because you approved of her skill level, reviews, reputation and play space. She’s not a totally foreign entity to you and probably has a traceable web presence. Put your trust in her presence and skill!
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3) If you have the time, distract yourself! Run some errands, watch some porn, do literally anything else but dwell on unsettled nerves! Some people are wired to worry, but you control how much focus you put into those feelings. If you can accomplish something else with that tightly wound energy, why not!
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4) Call her. Seriously. In the case above, if my client were so scared to knock on my door that he needed to inebriate to take the edge off, I would have liked a chance to take 5-10 minutes to quell those feelings and reset the course. Sex workers are AMAZING at putting you at ease, if you need to tap into that – most would welcome that option. Communication and positive rapport really build a foundation for incredible scenes!
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5) Rehearse dialog and requests. Even if you’ve emailed with her, she’s likely going to sit you down and ask you’re likes and dislikes in more detail, injuries, allergies and maybe a few other things. She’s trying to decode you in a matter of minutes to give you a highly tailored and attuned scenario. If you want to get the most out of your playtime; open up and tell her! It’ll be MUCH easier to think it through and give great answers if she’s not staring at you with thigh high boots and a plunging neckline. Make that hyper focus benefit you in the best way possible!
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Of course, even the most well prepared partner will still feel a racing pulse as he approaches her doorstep, but just remember – the domination has already begun! She has you quivering yet complying, and THAT sort of power exchange is simply intoxicating enough in itself.
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