I post today’s blog with the permission… well, really encouragement, of one of my closest friends.
A small bit of backstory: a lovely local lady and I were indulging in a very erotic duo with one of her beloved long-term clients.
I can’t begin to tell you how much fun we had, spending several hours putting him in every imaginable pose and violating him in every conceivable way, it was such a wonderful memory, I think I will treasure that session for the rest of my life. When all was said and done, he and I remained on the floor medical room as my lady friend ventured off to the bathroom for shower.
He smiled, watching her slink into the darkness before laying back and turning to me… “She’s so wonderful, I don’t know why she won’t let me take her for a REAL date “… I chuckled a bit, taking it as just a playful joke. I mean, a LOT of visitors often joke about wanting their mistresses to be a larger part of their lives, even if their reality doesn’t quite bend that way; it’s harmless optimism. He looked me dead in the eyes again and asked “do you know if it’s because she has someone in her life already? “
I was a bit shocked, but hearing this inquiry many times before, both aimed at myself and others, the only suitable response was, “perhaps she feels your relationship was perfect as it is.”
I don’t know if he was content with my answer, but it didn’t seem to diminish the smile from his face as we shook off the adrenaline and endorphins.
This scenario, like I said, happens so often, it’s worth mentioning in a more broad spectrum… Consider it just a little refreshing dose of reality about the world of kink, clients and reasonable proximity.
On my own – and very recently, I had a long term client who I enjoy a wonderful rapport with, turn from gleeful to sad when I, in jest, mentioned having a husband. In reality, I don’t have a husband, I had to assure her several times, but the obvious pouts stuck out to me. She herself, married 45 years to a lovely man that she spoke about repeatedly, had often admitted that she was glad to have this safe place to come to for her fantasies, separate from her private vanilla world, and yet – though totally innocent, she was obviously disappointed at the thought that I might be unavailable.
It is human nature to want the person you’re seeing to be available, to be their favorite, to stand out above all others, to be adored, cherished and remembered, but as I reflect back to my friends client, it is important to remember never to press the issue of proximity beyond what your provider allows. It forces us to walk a tightrope of keeping you physically and emotionally happy with us, while not leading you on or hurting your feelings, and protecting anyone we might have in our personal world. What should be a simply, mutually beneficial arrangement, becomes onesidedly complex.
You have to admit, what we do is extraordinarily intimate! For a lot of us, myself included, a little compartmentalization is needed to be so open, day in and day out, with both strangers and kinksters I’ve known for years. Fortunately, most of us overcome over-emotional attachments by simply enjoying the moment and always honoring that we are professionals. We love what we do, but it is an offering. We do not want to invade your personal lives, we are safely in the background, your secret respite – and nothing more. The ‘want’ for more is where it begins to get tricky for everyone involved, but staying respectful of that line becomes easier with time, when the realization settles in that just because you are a client, doesn’t mean you’re not special, we choose to have you in our orbit!
Most of us understand that sometimes, we can by nature, become very attached to the ones we indulge with. But as life can force clients to move, move on, or otherwise fall off our radar – we respect that a deep connection can be terminated any time and for any reason. It’s happened several times to me, and each instance, I know it’s not my place to reach out and find out ‘why’ or if my client is okay when I suddenly stopped hearing from them. By extension, it’s not simply a desire to keep our visitors out of our private lives, there is a reality to be had here and often, it’s a method to protect our hearts.
The simplicity of what you experience with a provider should be just that; simple, erotic and unattached fun.
It can take moments or years to accept this and find security in those words, but they are words to live by. We adore those who can appreciate the beauty in what we are able to share together. Those private moments behind closed doors aren’t just for you….believe me, as someone who is currently spending her day off typing this entire blog for an audience she can’t even lay eyes on – all of this is for us as well.
When you’re doing kink as #SW, it’s always best to keep it discrete & separate from your personal life. But it is understandable, as you pointed out, that a long-standing client can become attached and may expect a more personal relationship. Usually if you cross the line, the special dynamic changes and both participants may become disappointed.
A well written post on the subject.