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Blog: The age old question… why didn’t she answer my email?

It can be an agonizing wait….
You finally found the courage to reach out to a Pro Domme (or SWer) and you did your absolute best crafting an introduction worthy of serious consideration. Of course, once you hit send,  the anticipation rises to fever pitch as you glance back to your inbox every few hours. Then when hours becomes a day or two – disappointment, confusion and anxiety can creep in like an uninvited guest at a party. Why is she not getting back to me??
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If this has happened to you more than once or twice, this blog is really just for you. This isn’t sultry or erotic, but it comes up quite often, and sometimes all these well intended inquires need is a little guidance. So sit back, I want to give you a peek under the veil and perhaps some insight on why you might not be getting the immediate replies you so deeply long for.
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First and foremost, did you read her website and follow the booking protocol?
It’s a simple thing, but when overlooked says a lot. It means you can’t be bothered to take a moment to follow instructions. No, that might not be your intention, but that *is* a bit how it comes off. Obviously, we don’t always judge this harshly, sometimes personal availability comes together in a flash and you might not have the time before reaching out, but believe me, she has it written about how she wants to be communicated with somewhere and it’s best to follow those instructions. Using alternate means she doesn’t specify could add some time to your response! It also sends a message that while you might be enthusiastic, you might not be willing to follow instructions.
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Did you basically send an intel free one line email?
I’ve had people send quick scripts like ‘hey are you available tomorrow at 3?’ and expect me to answer that seriously. Now sure from your end, I can see why you’d not want to invest more than a few seconds sending an introduction without first knowing if your Domme is free, but on my end – I don’t want to say yes until I know who I’m dealing with and if we’re compatible.
Do I need to collect a deposit or confirm a reference? Are you looking for an hour of quick fetish play or a 3 hour latex immersion? It’s a loaded question and what type/duration of play absolutely determines those availability factors.
If you started without giving anything for her to really go on; you might find yourself waiting while more thorough introductions are given priority. If I have to send a couple of messages to pry relevant information from you just to find out if I have the opportunity to meet you, it might seem like you’re either not serious, not ready or just not worth the additional effort. Plus, we get a lot of these – sometimes a dozen or so a day, so they aren’t really taken with the same ‘ready to book’ mentality that a more well constructed  message might receive.
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Did you send too much information?
I know it’s hard, you want to give your Domme as much to go off of as possible when deciding to meet you or simply convey ALL the details of what you’d like out of a scene, but if your message is going to take her more than a few minutes to reply to and requires a lot of deep reading and response, she may very well need to skip over it. We’ve all been there – if you can get 5 shorter emails replied to in the span it’d take you to reply to one longer message; you know what you’re going to gravitate towards. Work on being concise before hitting send. We aren’t judging here, nor are we assuming your needs don’t require perfect undivided attention, but making yourself easy to communicate with is key, if and when she wants you to expand on something, she’ll ask!
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Did you send the same email to a bunch of other Dommes?
Copy and paste messages abound and we can smell them from a mile away.
Too much information, or none at all, not addressing us by name but telling us everything about your background and interests… Yeah, we know you cast a wide net and are just waiting for the first or any, Mistress to reply. We likely won’t invest more than a second reading those and will likely put you on a national time wasters email list. It happens a lot and those people have a reputation of basically zero follow through; we’ll pass.
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Are you a ‘known time waster’?
Very recently I had to shut down someone who’s been emailing me for years. Always with questions easily answered by my website, always on the verge of booking – but always falling off the map despite me investing the time to reply to him a dozen or so times in each course.
Once again his message rolled around, and to be honest, I just didn’t have the desire to see him anymore, even though this time – he was ready, deposit in hand. To me at that point, he had just become a fly that buzzed my inbox, happily wasting my time whenever he got horny. I promptly deleted his message and notified other locals of his history of start/stop messaging. Instead of seeing him as a potential playmate, he was now just a unreliable wanker – and I don’t like playing with partners that I have to coax to my doorstep. I want you to WANT to play and I need you to be reliable.
If you’ve reached out for a while without follow through, your Domina may block your address or inform others that you’re a time waster. If you aren’t ready to book – don’t email unless you have specific questions and even then, realize you’re asking for free undivided attention and keep it to an absolute minimum. If you fear you might have done this in the past, you might want to consider compensating that Mistress for having wasted her time, she might very well reconsider allowing you a session. Though don’t make that an expectation.
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So, how do I send “the perfect” introduction?
There’s no strict method here, so please don’t walk away thinking that if you haven’t written The Perfect email that she’ll blow you off without a second thought. We almost always meet our clients more than half way with all communication, but if you want to draft something that gets a priority response, and she hasn’t specifically listed how to message her, considering something that looks a lot like this….
Domina Rage, (Use her name – its just polite)
I’m John, I saw your ad/website on eros.
I’m 31, available January 4th-6th 1-11 pm and I’m looking for a 2 hour appointment.
(If the WHEN and how long isn’t included in your first 3 sentences, go back and tweak your writing order, it’s the first thing we scan for)
I’m interested in…. (keep this to one paragraph, she will likely ask for clarification and expansion once accepted)
My references (if any) are…. (make sure these are less than 2 years old. If you don’t have any, just say so!)
Relevant info here: I’m recovering from surgery, I’m still sorting out flight schedule – any absolutely vital variables here. (Your level of fitness, perceived attactiveness, orientation or ethnicity isn’t relevant – leave it out)
Respectfully,
John
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^^^^ This guy is very easy to reply to, it’ll take me 10 seconds to cross reference my schedule and give him a firm yes or no, then I can move into asking deeper relevant questions as time allows. He’ll likely hear back ASAP!
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Okay, I’ve followed your directions and I’m going to patiently wait for her reply; how do I know she got it?
Send a read receipt with your email.
There’s nothing worse than letting the anticipation and possibility of connection build only to be left wondering if she actually got your email, especially if she doesn’t reply within a few hours or days. Is she busy? Did I do something wrong? Should I follow up? Review boards are full of anxiety riddled advice threads about it….just set your email up to receive a ‘read receipt’. You’ll know the moment she opens your message and if she doesn’t, you’ll know to try again. The spam folder can be a cruel and unflinching Mistress.
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If you’ve put your best foot forward and still got left on the sidelines, you can either resend your message or try again with someone else. Try not to be discouraged, this does happen from time to time (though it’s not the norm). The important thing is to not let it put you off of professional BDSM, if you keep a positive attitude and remain consistent in polite communication, eventually you’ll catch the eye of the Domme of your dreams.

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