Not too long ago, I went over and finally joined reddit.
I know I’m behind the curve, but honestly, I just wanted to be a part of a social community where I didn’t have to duck and dodge an account closure for being a SWer.
As many who know me won’t be surprised, I started gravitating HEAVILY towards the bdsm advice section. Even if it’s a less formal set up then say, fetlife, I’m so pleased that sort of gathering space exists. I remember urgently searching for stuff like that when I was first getting into kink, even coming across an AOL forum in the very early days felt like a lifeline to me. Bdsm all seemed like this massive deep ocean of certain roles, specific ways to play and high protocol that MUST be followed, lest your precious reputation be tarnished and you be expelled from ’the community’ forever….and it took me years to realize it’s not that at all. Hearing from someone who’s been in the waters for a while or just being able to access and talk to a person like that would have saved me so much time and uncertainty.
That space and those community members demystified it, it made me feel like I could fully dive in.
What seems to have become a bit of a guilty pleasure has been private chatting with novices, encouraging them to talk to partners about their D/s desires and helping very shy people with closeted interests finally feel comfortable giving it a try. Yes, I’m that person with a giant neon sign that says “SPEAK UP!!! You don’t know what you’re missing out on!!!!”
Even though that crowd specifically orbits the online community for anonymity, I see the same red faced quieted requests in my own studio. One of my favorite long term suitors STILL shivers at the thought of asking me for anything – even though I can see beneath the surface of his tight lipped grin lies a world of unspoken cravings. You’ve already battled all the internal worry and logistics of getting to my door, sitting in front of me and looking me in the eye – if you can do that, you should be able to do anything!
Now I can never force someone to be comfortable with themselves or their likes, all of that needs to happen organically, but just giving a safe and open space to do that, without judgment, has been the only thing I’ve come up with to ease the nerves of owning your sexuality. But I’m at a point where it’s obvious something more, something bigger scale needs to happen so that we as a culture, can set our modesty to the side and tell our prospective partners and paramours: hey, this right here is what works for me.
That brings me to my point today: owning your sexuality.
At what point did anyone decide what is and isn’t okay to like? We’ve gone from a time where oral sex was taboo, anal off the menu and gender bending to be a hangable offense (oh yes I’m going WAY back here) to where we’re able to gleefully and openly celebrate these things. I’m still thrilled and shocked to see my generation posting memes about ‘if you don’t eat ass, you’re not getting a text back!’ I mean, it’s a bit extreme but it has become “a thing”. We’re talking about it, we’re not allowing ourselves to be as shy.
That brings me to you…
At what point in cultural acceptance does it become okay, or okay with you to own up and say – ‘Yes Mistress, I LOVE anal!’ or ‘Please Domina, let me lick your boots’. Who’s permission do you need? Who’s judgment do you fear?
How long will some of you suffer under a fading illusion that being soft spoken in your needs is the way to go? I mean, I wouldn’t stand outside a coffee shop looking tired and thirsty and expect someone to do something about it. No, I walk to the counter and order myself a massive cup os satisfaction. Why should this be any different?
While this might not be my greatest post, certainly not my most eloquent, compelling or filthy – it carries an important point.
Own your sexuality.
So, if I accomplish nothing else today, I at least want to express one clear and solid fact – I give you permission to like what you like. Whatever it is (unless it violates serious moral/legal grounds) just own up to it! You like sucking cock? Awesome, that’s incredibly hot! You want a Mistress to dress you up and spank you until you literally cry? I want to do that to you – and I have a few Domme friends that would love to join!
Your sexuality is unique, but not so much that you need to be ashamed – ever. The more we all relax and open up about it, the faster we, as a group, can all breathe a collective sign of relief and say ‘oh good, it’s not just me!”
Perverts are all in good company, we’re just more outspoken about it than you.
Own your sexuality.
