All posts by Domina Victoria

I sent out a few tweets just now, that I immediately realized needed a bigger platform than a humble 240 characters could capture, so hang in with me darlings.

This month has been an absolute mess, wouldn’t you say?
Not just for me, but for almost everyone I’ve spoken to has been deeply impacted in one form or another by a cruel, unseen, unspoken force of negativity.  Waves of illness, flu strains impervious to vaccinations, freak weather, flights canceled, personal emergencies, the shut down and finally a Super Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse to top the charts of unbalance has ravaged morale in the city and beyond.

Seriously, this is just one month.
On my way home today, I even drove by a bus, fully on fire – shutting down much of the freeway in several areas just as people were about to get off work into a weekend they very much need. It’s Friday, but the week had just one of more pin to stick in our voodoo doll.

It was almost a perfect metaphor for the whole of January.

*Seriously, this was my exit too* 

For me, I naturally draw inward and overthink things when a wave like this hits – I live a life always in perfect control, braced for emergencies and balanced my a sense of calm knowing that bad patches come and go. But when it happens in mass form to those around me and I’m powerless to help beloved friends, cherished clients and fellow humans, I feel entirely overwhelmed. That is my kryptonite, the emotional distress of others. I hate being sidelined while others suffer – though I’m all for suffering when inflicted with erotic purpose – but  on this level, it hurts my heart.

So instead of stewing over the stress and intensity of things I can’t do anything about, I can say – that while I might  be just a kinky personality from the internet. I am here for you. Yes you.

Whatever has been going on in your life, whatever has you feeling totally up against the wall, frazzled, on the edge, sleepless or anxious; I see you and I’m here for you. 

If we’ve met in the flesh or know each other on any level and you need some emotional help coping right now, even just a sane voice of reason to tell you it’s all going to be okay – I’m here. I can be reached on my levels, all extremely public – so don’t hesitate if you’re feeling alone. We might have had a hellish entry into the new year, but a silver lining has already broken around the storm – the shutdown is over. It’s a massive start to a sure upswing. 

Anyway, I promise you guys, this too shall pass – breathe, relax, and to the best of your ability, don’t obsess to hard about things you can’t control. Just do your best at any situation before you, marshal your resources and press on. Give your mind and body time to heal and process, don’t take on more than you have to, give yourself a break, treat yourself, love yourself, turn off the news for a day, don’t worry about instagram perfect bodies/lives, get your vitamin d, remember you are worthy, capable, amazing and loved.

But if you’re sitting there just feeling entirely deflated, I am here to talk you off the ledge, reassure you that it’s always darkest before dawn and that eventually, this string of collective bad luck will soon be a distant memory. I promise, it will.

Now, I’m going to run myself a bath and put on on this perfect meditative soundtrack:

I deeply suggest you take off your clothes and join me.

This is a longer post, but is worth its weight in gold.

About a week ago, Domme Addiction reached out to about a dozen fierce FemDomes, myself included, to gain perspective on how we view boundaries, ethics and where that falls when pushing slaves/clients to their limits while also expanding their horizons. Below is an incredible look into a wide variety of input, all worth reading twice.

******The following is direct from the Domme Addiction Post******

In light of recent events, and in the midst of being fully dissected on Twitter, the topic of ethical domination, and the need for responsible aftercare have come to the surface. Relationships, such as they are, between a Domme and her submissives, can become one of the most important and all-consuming in their lives. Total devotion and reliance is encouraged and rewarded by Dommes every day. Addiction is viewed as loyalty and the bond strengthens with every interaction.

Yet, with such power and control comes important responsibilities. How far should a Domme take her submissive…how hard can she push? What limits are there and when does an exciting and exhilarating fetish become life threatening or lead to absolute ruin?

At the same time, when the relationship ends, for whatever reason and at whatever point, like any addiction, withdrawal is of great concern. Whether online or real time, the removal of a submissive from that D/s relationship can be delicate and dangerous if not handled correctly .

To discuss ethical domination and proper aftercare, we at DommeAddiction have enlisted the help of some of the women who live these principles every day. Who better to share their vast accumulation of knowledge and to offer advice than Femdom Goddesses who have learned from those before them, and have experienced so much that the Femdom scene has to offer, both good and bad?

With this in mind, we offer you responses from a variety of Dommes to the following questions:

  • How will you know when you’ve pushed a slave too far?
  • What role does aftercare play in sessions with slaves, and with longterm servitude?

Goddess Alexandra Snow

The discovery and understanding of someone’s boundaries, real or perceived, is a heady task. It takes time, patience, and skill, especially when it comes to the male submissive. Men are taught to withhold anything that resembles weakness as a character flaw, and so often will not divulge the places where something is “too much.” They so desperately want to experience an authentic connection with a female Dominant that they are willing to agree to “anything” and this is confusing for the Dom. There’s so much back and forth between the fantasy of exploitation, humiliation, and desire to be disregarded for the submissive. He often doesn’t know where his fantasy for the activities and her actual perception of him differs.

It’s difficult to know when you’ve gone too far without lots and lots of communication, paying close attention to changes in demeanor and behavior. When you’re dominating someone online, you have even less information from which to draw these conclusions. A slave, a client, can be lost in the mix as someone else ponies up a tribute and takes the next 15 minutes of your time. For the slave, their emotional state may be in turmoil but they never say a word– they only have so much of your attention, after all. They don’t wish to be a bother or a hassle or tell the Dominant that something is beyond their capacity, even if they originally negotiated it. 

I always try to err on the side of caution, bringing a nurturing caring to the equation even if it falls short of the cruel Goddess archetype. I want to make it feel safe to discuss the real issues, understand the actual struggles, not just deliver a fantasy on demand. 

Aftercare is a mixed bag. Some people need it more than air, others need it not at all. In a world of online domination, aftercare is an afterthought because no one wants to pay for it. So a slave may sit at their computer feeling very raw and unsettled after an interaction and staring at the “time’s up” message. In person sessions are different, there’s so much more feedback to gauge what someone needs to transition back to real life. 

I believe it’s useful to validate and encourage at a bare minimum as aftercare, to leave the experience on a positive note and close the door on whatever objectification has occurred.

Mistress Eva

I am almost constantly observing the behaviour and reactions of my submissives as well as watching my actions and motivations in order to keep us in balance as we push on our joys and boundaries. However, due to the nature of human interaction and life, not all is under our control, and a dance between conflict and cohesion is natural to all social dynamics. In the context of professional session based domination, I tend to focus the most intense amount of energy in maintaining engagement and safety in a scene for everyone. Even so, this has still resulted in triggers that I was unaware of – and as an extreme result some are too confronted to session with me again. In more minor cases there is usually a physical and emotional withdrawal on the sub’s behalf and it is then a matter of giving a pause and rebuilding them to reconnect from there. In terms of lifestyle D/s relationships the reaction of withdrawal is similar but can usually be more easily mitigated with more time to communicate over what triggers may have been hit or boundaries crossed.

I approach all D/s exchange with a sense of responsibility at all times, not limited to an aftercare scenario. This said, there have also been wilder moments where especially during heavy corporal punishment scenes I have lost myself to it. This is simply when safe words are paramount and the selection of a suitably strong submissive is integral. So I guess you could say that I set the scene up responsibly so that I could lose myself responsibly as well… Aftercare is a beautiful component to any scene or relationship – where we reflect and check in on our state of mind and body; but in how I practice D/s it is a small act in the greater relationship of care, support and co-exploration of life and its limits between two people. Also, in how I practice I disagree with your statement on creating and rewarding addiction or co-dependency. Especially within ongoing or long term relationship my subs and I look at maintaining their responsibilities and focus on building them as strong and healthy individuals. I want my submissives to be a support that I want to be proud of and rely on; not weight that I must carry.

Princess Meggerz

I don’t offer aftercare. I do offer up glimpses of my genuine self if we’ve formed a deeper connection.  And keeping it real keeps satisfied long term submission.

The majority of my interactions with subs online are orgasm transactions and once the end goal of the orgasm is achieved, they disappear back into vanilla life having appreciated the escape we’ve temporarily created. 

With that being said, there have been subs who have confided in me that they were seeking mental health treatment or struggling with addiction, that Femdom was negatively impacting their real everyday lives. And once brought to my attention, once the fantasy becomes reality I end the D/s relationship. I refuse to profit off true human suffering. There is too much responsibility in that. I sell fantasy. 

But then what? I’ve kept in contact but kept it brief. I am here to do a job, provide an escape, and play a role. My time is money and I am not a qualified therapist. I can’t solve deeper set issues and if the fantasy isn’t therapeutic enough, I’m not your gal.

I am also NO drama. I don’t take the bait if the boundaries of fantasy are crossed. I much prefer to “ruin” a sub’s budgeted amount set aside for his roleplaying than be expected to stick around and pick up the pieces of his shattered life.

So although I can’t offer much insight in aftercare, my hope is to at the least help prevent other D/s relationships from playing out too far and ending in disaster.

Mistress Victoria Rage

I always take a common sense approach to playing with partners; accounting for the fact that some may not always be comfortable or open to vocalizing warning signs when they’re bottoming and more so may feel it’s not their place to set boundaries.

It’s important to press your slaves slowly, with caution and always using the RACK system (risk aware consensual kink). Read their bodies, watch for signs of them shutting down, compartmentalizing; if you don’t know your partner well enough to spot those things, you should be very cautious on how far you’re willing to take it. I also think it’s important to remember that BDSM shouldn’t always point a focus for ‘how far you can go’. Not every scene needs to top the last; open communication and mutual fun should be the underline to any engagement.

The longer term the servitude, the more important aftercare is.

Bodies can recover from play remarkably fast: on the professional side, I’ve seen visitors bounce back after a warm shower, a cool down chat and some water. I still offer aftercare because endorphins can absolutely cloud judgment making you feel amazing and ready to tackle the world before your senses have fully returned. Those you impact on a deeper emotional and mental plane are going to need some more in depth TLC.

Checking in with their headspace often, making sure they feel comfortable communicating with you openly, honestly and without judgement is the more vital way to ensure a healthy D/s dynamic.

It should be treated with the same care and delicacy that any other relationship would have, being extra attentive to the fact that bottoms may not always share their concerns for fear of displeasing their Tops. Laying a foundation of trust and openness will be your best weapon to *truly* know what your partner needs and how that may evolve over time. As you mentioned how some may feel withdrawn when connections ebb and flow, I will say it’s also extremely important to keep on top of WHY your partner is with you and how deep the elements of play impact them. If your personal relationship needs work, pausing play to make sure you build up that emotional connection again is vital. Both the play side and personal relationship side need to be in harmony to avoid fall out, bad scenes, play addiction and unfortunate consequences of withdrawal if a relationship does begin to oxidize.

Goddess Helly

Based on a thorough screening process and information gathering before a scene, it should be easier to recognize if a sub/slave has been pushed beyond his/her limits. In the last few years that situation has not happened to Me. However, in My first few months starting out as a Pro Domme it happened on two occasions. The first time a slave was pushed too far, he had an emotional breakdown toward the end of the session. The second time, the slave crumpled up in a ball and I could literally smell the fear waft up from his body. Once that happened, I ended the scene and went into aftercare mode, which mainly consists of Me holding them so they don’t go into shock and reassuring them that they’ll be okay. 

During a Professional Session I will continuously check-in with the sub/slave during a scene. Especially a new slave. I am continuously monitoring them visually, checking their body language and breathing levels. In their willingness to serve, sometimes a slave will disregard their own limits in order to show how willing they are to endure whatever I inflict. I am a firm believer in a voice conversation prior to booking a Pro Session to determine that sub/slave’s state of mind and get a true idea of what type of session they are seeking to experience. Prior negotiation and protocol explanation is key. This is something I do no matter how many times I’ve sessioned with a sub/slave. 

Aftercare to some degree is important after a scene, particularly one that deals with elements of degradation and humiliation. It grounds the sub/slave and Domme for that matter. Top Drop is a real thing, and Dommes need to administer aftercare to themselves too. 

Now, anyone in My inner circle knows that I had a horrific experience with a lifestyle sub/fetishist that took many years to end. His addiction to Me was all consuming and very dangerous, mostly to Me. If at any time a Domme has reason to fear for Her safety because a sub/slave has exhibited unstable and dangerous behaviours toward Her, She has every right to end the situation and do whatever it takes to make sure contact remains broken. This particular sub was mentally unstable, which is why I now always do a thorough screening of whomever I choose to allow into My space.

Miss XI

Ideally, you never want to get to this situation. I take My time in My booking and screening process to ensure that a sub/slave and I are a good fit, with similar enough communication styles and ideas about FemDom. A part of My initial booking process is to talk about what hard limits My potential Sub has, any medical issues, any trauma or psychological issues. If they answer a broad “none”, this tells Me that they have not done enough exploring in themselves to recognize their boundaries. They may purposefully lie to try and please Me, or they are seeking a Domme to aid them in self-harm. In either scenario, “no limits” is a red flag. I may turn down a client for this reason, or have limited play only in areas they they have specifically listed as an interest, if we have matching interests. 

I also like to talk about their previous experiences, and I will ask about experiences that they’ve found to be negative or mediocre, and why that is. Sometimes by answering this question they will reveal some boundaries to themselves they did not previously recognize and label as being boundaries. An important note is that subs/slaves ARE people, and people are dynamic creatures. They are apt to change, and thus limits and disinterests can change over time, or for given situations. Keeping this in mind, it is always appropriate to check in, or provide space for a sub to speak up. For example, when I am tying with rope, no matter how simple the tie, I will say “you are to tell Me immediately if anything goes numb, tingly, or exceedingly painful,” lest My sub try to tough it out only to suffer an injury later.  This applies to mental play as well.

A word about humiliation, is that it is extremely personal. What one person finds exceptionally painful could be no sweat to another. For this reason, I not only ask if My subs enjoy humiliation, but also what types they are into and what is considered ‘too much or off limits’. Beyond these markers, I also take into account My own feelings and if I would enjoy partaking in their fetish, or if it may bother Me. I also follow My intuition during scenes, and may take the onus to pause a scene and offer a glass of water and a sit down to ask how they are doing. 

Note here that I will refer to words like high, sober or altered state only in terms of naturally produced feelings. I do not allow or condone intoxicants of any kind in My sessions. 

Pre-established boundaries made in a sober state are crucial as a sub may get high from the rush of endorphins during play, and therefore be more willing to “consent” to something they normally would not, due to this altered state, only to later regret it. This is called a false-positive. This is why as a Dominant you hold responsibility to maintain the pre-established boundaries, and to use your discretion when exploring new territories or playing with new subs. 

Despite intoxicant-free play, that does not mean that an addiction cannot be formed. This can happen for a variety of reasons, but it is important to recognize changes in overall behaviour, new urgency to play right away, or ‘pull-away-running-back-repeat’ behaviour.  These are indicators that unhealthy behaviours or real addiction may be brewing. This is something that should be addressed, and may lead to a necessary break up, or simply managing play differently. 

For example, I had a long term sub that I had seen for over 5 years. I noticed that he was coming in more often than usual, and seemed overly concerned about My life and little details of how My business was doing. We chatted and he admitted that he was spending beyond his means to have extra time with Me. I then limited his sessions to no more than once a month, and we decided that he should no longer be able to own My used garments, as it was taking him too far into fantasy land and disrupting everyday grounding. 

In another example, I had a financial sub whose fantasy particularly revolved around seeing Me ‘drain’ a bank account. He wanted to see numbers disappear from a banking interface specifically. Normally I would not partake in this kind of play whatsoever, and do not get involved with anything to do with personal banking details literal taking of things, or grinding anything to zero. I don’t believe in “draining.” I found a solution by making him set up a secondary account, and in sober mind, placing in it an amount that fit his real life budget. This way We could satisfy his fetish without sacrificing well being when he was high on Femdom.

As a last rule, I would like to illuminate the fact that your play exists ONLY between consenting parties, and should never interfere with anyone outside of that. This is an especially important rule for Financial Domination. To the best of your ability you must always prevent excessive spending that would harm any partner or family, even if this means breaking up with a sub.

In the event that a sub feels that they have been pushed too far, immediate communication and remediation is required. Talk about what happened, make sure to listen to their side of the story and how they feel without first interrupting with your facts or opinion. Try to come to a solution to prevent future situations. Encourage them to seek outside help in the case that play triggered underlying issues (eg, untreated PTSD, etc). Being a caring human will never make you less Dominant. A Domme struggling with this may also consider reaching out to peers in the industry that have more experience. 

On a final note, I would like to talk about safe words. I use stop-light safe words in session, with yellow meaning “I am at capacity, I am okay, but don’t push further” and red meaning “Full stop and check-in.”  In scenes where the sub cannot talk, it is crucial to have a distinguished way of saying “RED!”  This can be done by using a squeeky toy as the gag & squeeking 3 times for red, or leaving a hand untied  and tapping 3 times, giving them a ball to drop for ‘red.’ You can be creative with non-verbal safe words, just be sure that you and the sub are on the same page.

If I play with a sub for ongoing sessions, especially in scenarios where we are doing re-programming or financial play, I remind them that they are My property, and I would never damage My own property. This is great as it plays into the Femdom fantasy very well, while also assuring that I don’t desire their ruin. (Although we may use these kinds of key-phrases because it is in their fantasy).   

After care is very important and needs vary from person to person. Some people enjoy some quiet time to themselves, some like to talk about the session afterwards, and some just like to chat like friends and perhaps get a hug. Sub drop is a term for negative feelings that may arise in the hours, days, or weeks after a scene. They can range from a slightly down feeling due to an endorphin drop, or they can be more complex psychologically related feelings of guilt and kink-shame. If there is an affliction of sub drop, figuring out the underlying cause of it and treating the issue from that stand point is most useful. In a few cases, I have had subs who suffered from guilt feelings tell Me that they no longer felt the effects of their sub drop after meeting Me and seeing how much I wholly embraced My kink identity. It really can be different for everyone. Siren Thorn of write this beautiful piece on Sub Drop and how to deal with it. I highly suggest reading this article. 

As a Domme, balancing sub needs with Your own needs is a task indeed. Depending on the time a sub needs or desires to talk to Me afterwards, I will ensure to end the session with 15 minutes to spare, in order to give them this time. If they need longer than that, I offer reduced tribute time to go for walks or get dinner and talk. This is a great solution to both provide them more time with you to decompress, and also value your time.

Sorceress Bebe

A very large part of domination is being able to read your subs. When you’re in a session or a long term D/s relationship, it is important that you’re constantly sensing how the sub is feeling and build off of that. Being intuitive during play in domination. That being said, a responsible Domme checks in with their subs, checks in on how they’re feeling and also senses when something may be wrong or if they may not be feeling themselves. It is also important to encourage the sub to be honest and communicative so that you do know if you have pushed them too far, and if so you are able to talk this out with them and help them process. Just as it is important for a Domme to set boundaries, it is important for them to allow the sub to have boundaries and respect those boundaries. If the sub does feel that they have been pushed too far, it is the Domme’s responsibility to offer support and understanding so that this doesn’t happen again and so that the sub can also get the support they need to feel okay.

In aftercare, the same concept is important.. it is the Domme’s responsibility to extend support to the sub, to let the sub know that they are available for communication. It is important to check in with the sub periodically as well because drops can occur some time after play. Making sure to keep an open line of communication and encourage honesty and allow the sub to be comfortable sharing their true feelings in the case that they may actually need help. A D/s relationship is just as sacred as any other and many feelings are intertwined within that relationship. It is important that people you interact with are cared for because you never truly know the burdens they may carry when playtime is over. Always be sure to follow up, it could save a life.

Russian Queen M

In order to be a good Dominant and understand how your slaves/subs feel and where they stand, you must be an empath.  Almost all humans are capable of being empathetic towards each other. However, to comprehend the mental and emotional state of another individual, you must develop such ability in a more extensive way than others because you are being trusted with another human life, whether it’s for only an hour or for years to come. A lot of new ladies think that owning slaves is just about taking their money on a monthly basis and they decide to jump on board without prior experience or understanding of the psychology of why these people want to submit in the first place. I personally have been through a lot of different life experiences that led me to understanding of how psychology of human behavior works, before I decided that I was ready to own slaves. When I interact with new slaves I always take it slow and ask a lot of questions such as why do you want to serve me, when did you make this derision and what are you willing to sacrifice to earn such a privilege. The answers will give me a slight understanding of where this new sub stands and whether he even understands what true servitude means. 

Over the last 3 years my slaves have sacrificed a lot for me: financially, sexually and emotionally.  I like to push my slaves’ boundaries to see what they are capable of, but I always watch them carefully while they are preforming my tasks. Being an empath, it doesn’t take much for me to see when my subs cannot take it and that is when we start talking. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, whether it’s D/s or not. A professional Dominant must have the highest level of communication skills because subs are often too shy to speak up about the things that might bother them. You must always communicate with your subs and check with them to see what is making them uncomfortable and what is making them happy and then decide how to move forward and adjust if needed. 

Also, it is very important to be aware of any mental health issues that your new subs might possibly have. It is not that hard to see if a sub is acting in a strange manner or his conversations are inconsistent and don’t make a lot of sense. If I notice any signs of mental instability in new subs, I simply reject them and do not allow them an opportunity to serve me. I only surround myself with healthy mature stable individuals who are completely in charge of their decision making process. Which is why I always hold my slaves responsible for what they say and do and punish them accordingly if needed, to reconfirm their ability to make decisions based on their clear mind. I have had many men who did not seem to be in charge of their own mind and acted out of the ordinary with me. I simply told them they cannot serve me regardless of how much money they were willing to spend. Only an unprofessional dominant will rush into D/s relationships with slaves for their money without caring what kind of individuals she is dealing with. That is where most problems arise because in such arrangements the Domme doesn’t really care about her subs/slaves and how they might feel. She only cares about getting the money from them and she will not be empathetic or even try to understand how her subs feel while serving her. You must be an empath in order to feel when your slaves have had enough and cannot take any more. You must have an ability to have rational discussions and make adjustments if needed in order to continue D/s relationships in a healthy way for both Dominant and submissive. It really all comes down to your experiences and how well you understand human psychology. This is why I don’t consider training slaves a sex-work. I provide psychological and emotional support for my submissives, not sexual. I allow them to express themselves in the most vulnerable ways in front of me because they trust me to create a safe space for such self expression. Therefore, it is up to me to observe my slaves’ behaviors and notice if something is off or needs my attention. 

Aftercare is extremely important! This is why I don’t charge my subs for talking to me after our first meeting, while prior to that they have to pay for everything in order to earn the privilege to serve me. After serving in person, I allow my subs to message me and talk to me if they have any questions or simply want my attention. To me money is just the way to sacrifice in order to meet me and get to know me in person. I actually enjoy keeping in touch with my owned slaves on a regular base because after they show me how much they are willing to sacrifice for me, I’m willing to invest emotionally into them. With my long term slaves I like to have regular calls and simply talk about life, work, family, etc. For those who serve me long term I’m not just their Dominant, I’m also their life coach, their mentor, their leader. They look up to me and they listen to my day-to-day advice on how to improve themselves and their reality. Yet again communication is the key to everything.

Without communicating to your subs/ slaves on a regular human level, you can never figure out what they are thinking and what kind of feelings and emotions they might be going through while serving you. I also like to ask my slaves how they felt during this or that process and what they would like to be done differently next time. Like I said, unprofessional women simply look at the dollar amount they can get from each sub and take advantage of those who put themselves in a vulnerable position. They do not have the moral stand to even care if they might ruin their subs’ lives, relationships, etc. This is why it is subs’ job to make sure they research the dominant they want to serve prior to submitting to her. The right dominant will know how to take good care of her subs and how to provide the right aftercare for them.

Goddess Amy Wynters

Well this is my opinion & I’m speaking from my personal experiences only of online & real time domination sessions. The first thing you must do in any D/s relationship even if it’s a one off session on cam is find out hard limits straight off the bat for both of you. Now obviously the more you session with one another the more the trust is built and the easier it is to know what limits you can push. There’s a very delicate balance in pushing your submissive further without taking it too far. You have to find that wiggle room of where they want to be pushed & the only way to do that is communication. A safe word & an absolute concrete set of hard limits. You can tell if you’ve pushed a slave too far as they will retreat from you & you can sense it. I can’t stress enough to any submissives that they must tell their Domme their hard limits.

After care is vital & in this digital age I do worry that this isn’t being taken into consideration as it’s so easy especially as a Femdom cam model to have a submissive come on, session & leave. 9 times out of 10 they come back so you can build that relationship. I do become very invested in my submissives & care for their well-being. It’s very important to remember that they are sharing their inner most secrets & desires with us, these are things they probably haven’t even told their loved ones. But then that sets up another problem of them becoming too reliant on you so it’s very important to set boundaries. A follow up message after an online session or a hug & debrief after a real time session is how I do it. We must remember though that although a Domme can advise you just as friend can she’s not a doctor or a mental health professional.

Goddess Stella Sol

There can be a lot of obvious signs that a sub has been pushed too far, but sometimes a Domme is not aware of Her sub’s mental conditions based on the time spent with the sub, or the sub’s willingness to open up and be honest about his/her struggles. Obvious ways to tell that a sub’s been pushed too far is they’ll usually have a significantly negative shift in their behavior that can vary between any of the following: long lasting isolation, ghosting, excessive drug and/or alcohol usage, emotional outbursts, negative internalization, thoughts/attempts of suicide, debilitating stress, paranoia, severe loss of appetite, binge eating or sleeping, insomnia, passive-aggressiveness, panic attacks, nightmares, etc. If a sub is willing to talk, it can make a huge difference in his/her abilities to cope, just as long as the D/s relationship is on the healthier side of the spectrum, and both people genuinely care to talk and listen. Those who practice in BDSM tend to be very sensitive people who often require a lot of words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service from one another. We give each other very exclusive access to ourselves as a way to establish a bond of trust so that we can become vulnerable enough to plan and play out our deepest, darkest desires in a fun, safe way. I think things go wrong when people are actively engaged in the initial processes, but then abandon each other before aftercare has been worked through. Fetish is meant to be exciting, but sometimes it can become dangerously abusive if one or both people are pushing unhealthy limits, not respecting set boundaries, or neglecting the other person’s needs entirely. Until you really get to know someone it’s hard to know what to expect from each other until sometimes it’s too late, and the damage has been done.

Empathy is a trait that every Domme and sub must have in order to make a long lasting D/s relationship work. Narcissism is a dangerous characteristic in either a Domme or a sub, and it often rears it’s ugly, self-centered head in the form of unnecessarily rebellious behaviors, maliciousness, neglect, and other forms of non-consented abuse towards the other person. For a long term D/s relationship to work well there must be a desire to understand what the other person is going through so that the relationship remains compassionate and healthy for everyone involved.

During a session the sub will almost always experience phases including the excitement of the build up, the cathartic state of sub-space, and then after the session comes is the residual fall of sub-drop. This is where I wholeheartedly believe that aftercare is critical after every session and it must be addressed quickly in order to create a sense of safety and closeness after an intense session. Sometimes aftercare only takes an hour or two of debriefing. Others times aftercare requires lots of talking for many weeks, and possibly even professional counseling. When the drop becomes too extreme it can trigger really bad reactions, and it’s both the Domme and the sub’s responsibility to take a step back and address the issue at hand in an honest way before continuing to engage in more play that could cause additional damage.

Each session has levels of transformation that can trigger each person differently, and when a sub’s drop is severe it can be traumatizing to not only the sub, but the Domme who’s also dealing with Her own reactions to the way the session went. This may include feelings like regret, shame, fear, doubt, heart-break, insecurity, failure, and anger. There’s a misconceptions that Dommes are supposed to be emotionless and never show vulnerability. The problem with that is that a Domme is human, and if she’s a good Domme she will likely be very in-tune with Her emotions whether they’re good or bad. A Domme can not help her sub if she, or he, thinks that emotions are irrelevant. Resentment can develop easily at this point, and the relationship could turn ugly if both people feel as though they’re not being respected.

When a sub “ghosts” it’s a very bad sign that they’re not dealing with something well, and they’ve chosen to isolate instead of communicate with their Domme, or anyone else. This usually means they’re not handling what happened in a healthy way, and it’s possible they’re feeling uncontrollable anxiety, and panic over repressing that secret, naughty side themselves. Extreme denial can be a debilitating state of being if the person feels the uncontrollable need to disassociate themselves with what happened rather than facing it. There are a lot of careless Dommes out there who don’t know when to quit pushing someone against their better judgement, and often times this can lead to a sub feeling cornered and stuck in a scary situation with someone who threatens their sanity, reputation, and livelihood.

Abandonment soon after a session contributes to a lot of D/s bonds falling apart because that trust building time is necessary for the magic of BDSM to work like it should. But the truth is that not all relationships are meant to last, and so much of that is out of people’s control if the chemistry isn’t right, the feelings change, or respect is lost for some reason. It’s so important to take things slowly in order to test the waters before diving in head first with anyone. In My experience I don’t feel like I really know a sub until we’ve had consistent interactions for at least 6 months or more. I believe that a lot of damage can be avoided when both people take the time to get to know each other’s personalities online before ever sessioning in person so that nature can take it’s course, trust can be built, and the relationship develops as something that’s been tried, true and tested.

Mistress Ruby Enraylls

How far a Domme can push must be negotiated carefully between the Domme and sub with the understanding that hard rules such as “no spit” are often flexible but core values are not. It’s important to identify what a core value is for someone. For example, if someone says “no spit” they might actually have a core value of not wanting to be humiliated. How you can safely push is heavily determined by what core values someone holds and how you play around them. If you break down someone’s core values without shoring up another core value, that persons mental state could become unstable.

Insofar as setting practical limits for the safety and well being of a slave or sub I tend to avoid the following: situations that actually damage relationships/friendships/work life (this is kind of debatable and you have to talk about what this means with each individual if you are playing that kind of game), putting someone in a position of physical harm (such as asking them to do things that are dangerous or lethal).

When someone has been pushed too far they show signs of having broken in a variety of ways. They show obvious signs of emotional or physical distress or may seem very troubled. In extreme cases they may even go into some kind of a catatonic state. The easiest way to avoid all of this is simply picking a safeword and abiding by it when your slave/sub uses it. It can be hot to disregard a safeword but the health and well being of someone needs to be taken into consideration as well.

Aftercare is critical because a scene often involves taking someone apart and aftercare is putting someone back together, although aftercare often looks different for many people. For some people it means sitting together and having time to talk about what happened. For some it means being ignored in the corner. You have to figure out what your partner needs. (Keep in mind, tops need aftercare too!)

So I admittedly have two audiences, one favoring social media – and one who feels more comfortable with less frequent postings simply hitting their inbox via my blog. So tweeties, some of this for you might be a little repetitive, but hang in with me.

Recently, thanks to the lovely Jade Thunderstorm, I’ve gotten hooked on this adorable guru of minimalist organization – Marie Kondo (above).

She’s taken on the monumental task of convincing people that too much stuff can be stressful and that by parting with excess items that don’t ‘spark joy’ you’ll be a happier, more organized version of yourself. Simple, perhaps overly so, but I’ve got to tell you after holding my 20th pair of black pants from my wardrobe and thinning the heard to just the essentials that I love, I’ve never felt better. 25 pairs of skin tight yoga pants didn’t spark joy….but 20 still did. Marie, you’re on to something Marie.

Sure, that takes care of my vanilla domestics in one neat little KondoMari size fold, but my dungeon – that’s always been a different beast. I’ve teetered between knowing I’m a super organized hoarder and justifying every purchase from the smallest to most extravagant, it’s a ‘work necessity’. Creativity makes up 50% of what I bring to a scene, but with over a decade worth of regulars, new toys and having everything they may see online and want to try is simply a “must” for my dungeon. All of that I can still say and stand behind with a straight face. Until of course, I realize I have duplicates – sometimes triplicates – of almost everything.

3 days ago I had a personal slave choose a random smattering of 14 impact items, I did the same. Instantly I noticed in the mix I was holding the same exact lexan cane 3 times over. So here we are, I’m going to go through my studio to purge things I don’t need….with the fully admitted purpose of making room for new, exciting and more diverse implements and furniture.

My hope, with larger items like this cross above (that I have two of) is to sell at a steal of a price, but other items: impact, restraint, hoods etc…I’ll be giving away. Since I don’t want to be the ultra creepy person trying to sneak perverted items into goodwill under the radar, I’ll be offering them up to visitors with booked appointments or duo partners who want to snag something – if it catches their eye. Now at first, I only have one box I’m willing to part with, but I expect this to be ongoing. New furniture is en route and I have a giant cart of toys pending from Mr S Leather, so whether or not I like it, I’ve got to make room and part with multiples.

So, if you’re in my studio and want to take something home, ask to see my ‘didn’t spank joy’ box.

You’ll be doing me a huge favor!

Restrained on the table, the muffled crinkling of his restraints were the only sound to be heard in the dungeon. A familiar, but untiring melody of unrelenting bondage against a writhing, desperate slave. Soft and supple, barely inches moved despite his effort, but the implications were echoing.
Layers and layers of thick rubber encased him, tight leather straps held him down, face hugging neoprene blocking him in – all wrapped securely in a tight stabilizer, shrouded with noise canceling headphones; my pet could only move his fingers…but just barely, and by design. I loved the unconscious feel of his fingertips as he’d achingly reach out to touch my dress or my legs within his confinement. Until I fed his senses a taste of something, those grasps of my silky skin was the only thing that existed to him.
His enslavement today was otherworldly; a need was to be met, deep and psychological, transporting his mind outside my dungeon, to a world of my making, while his body remained present and exposed to my lustful appetites and expert ministrations.
Made with precision, I crafted a soundtrack of sorts; erotic sounds, filthy talk, binaural beats entwined in a way that played as a seamless, entrancing siren song to him through his headphones. The world outside had disappeared into inky blackness leaving perception and reality something I entirely directed; the feeling of such control was absolutely extraordinary.
Outside, his naked body unprotected under layers and trappings, chained tight but spread open, every inch I cared to touch laid bare before me. Each graze of my hand corresponded to particular parts of the audio, in perfect sync stroking him relentlessly and mercilessly, scratching, teasing, violating, shocking, tugging, touching and spanking him. He was lost in this world.
For a while I’ve been at the hypnosis game, creating several different otherworldly scenes to carrying willing suitors to realms far beyond their imagination: from a bordello of sensual succubi who want to drain you, a coven of wicked witches who kidnap you for an erotic ritual, entrancing suggestive tones to unlock your deepest hidden cravings; and quite a few others, in his constraints these scenarios are as real as can be and far reaching. My boy knew it all to well, once I hit play – there was no escaping my chosen destination.
If you’ve been a kink enthusiast and want to experience something to take you deeper, this is a must try activity. Push the bounds of body and mind to new erotic, uncontrolled and unrestrained heights as I walk you down one of these winding paths, either by request or surprise.
I promise, you won’t be the same after….
As much as I’d love to try to explain more about this to tempt you, the power of these playbacks is the absolute unknown. You will rarely see imagines I post of this type of scene, nor will you ever read a review about it. Perhaps, one of my best kept secrets kept from those aside from the willing. Do you dare hand me the keys to the reality you inhabit?
Consider it the ultimate submission.
Just last month I had the enormous pleasure of welcoming a fellow rubber lover for what he deemed a ‘latex vacation’.
Having followed my online presence for so long, he decided he deserved a little personal reprieve, and for him, it meant a totally committed stint of 2 days surrounding his favorite fetish: glimmering and glorious latex. He packed his bags, boarded a plane and made it happen despite all the demanding odds waiting for him back home.
He works hard, he’s a dedicated family man, career focused and total giver of a human. Someone, who I get the sense, people rely on – often. He’s a rock…but under that well crafted exterior of a dependable gentleman, lies a living breathing creature of lust, want and need. A creature who had been left starving in the face of the needs of others.
Most figures who have a lot on their plate will begin slowly compartmentalizing their personal desired and impulses. Perhaps out of habit to accommodate others, or maybe simply not wanting to bring those secret needs out to display to those who count on us; he had gone MONTHS without diving into his secret, sexy deviation. Personally, that’s a fate I can’t even imagine, but nevertheless – this was his reality.
How easily we get wrapped up in schedules, becoming slaves not to a Mistress, but to alarm clocks, deadlines and self imposed to do lists that rule over every waking moment. I don’t know about you – but I’ve never wanted to live that way. Workaholic by nature, I had to be exceedingly careful in what I chose to do with my life, I had to pick a passion that fed me in equal measure that it took from me because like most of you, I live my life at 110%. But not everyone can be so fortunate.
Those of you who struggle to find even a free hour during the day you enjoy unhindered, that you take strictly for yourself, are left with the most impossible task of all: making time.
When and why did you stop putting your needs first? Or even second?
When did you decide your hourly agenda dictated everything? When personal luxuries weren’t important?
When did you stop making time to enjoy your life?
Consider this blog a call for a return to sanity – to you time. As I sit on my couch, exploring my own version of that, I’m scrolling through my emails and texts, littered with inquiries and hopeful comments from suitors who anxiously ‘can’t wait to meet’ or ‘can’t wait to connect again’, once the opportunity presents itself. Unsurprisingly, many of these whispered optimisms go back months or even repeat themselves through a year – I’m still in their thoughts as the calendar pages begin to turn. It’s a sad prospect…to be so entrapped in responsibility that you allow your creative and sexual self to suffer.
So my darlings, I challenge you – if you’ve been tapping the digital shoulder of your fave SW more often then you attempt to connect, reevaluate your priorities! Put your foot down and stop the wheel that keeps you ever busy and indulge yourself: just do it. Make one moment for yourself before the end of the year. One moment in 64 long days.
Don’t just envy what others have done, definitely don’t read though blogs or gloss through the twitter scrolls of your craved paramour with lust and want never to be engaged. Act on it – take your own personal ‘rubber vacation’ or whatever that looks like for you.
Frankly, you deserve it.
Ah, my lovelies, this post is MUCH needed in the current climate, wouldn’t you say?
With many new people coming to the hobby and SW world, we see the topic of references coming up more and more.
Those new to it are often left completely lost as to what one is and how it works, while others who have been long reluctant hold outs refusing to go through screening may now find themselves left in the cold without a providers ‘vouch’. Frankly put, it’s becoming a necessary step….but never fear, I’m here to here to demystify just about everything regarding this beautiful system to make it easier for you to enjoy the world of erotic activity!
First, some definitions…
Reference: A reputable provider of any branch that has seen you before and would vouch for your good behavior.
Screening: The process of vetting you go through to gaining your first booking, or to verifying your positive social status.
Verified: The positive outcome of screening.
SWer: Sex worker
Review/ed: A public review of a SWer used to establish credibility. These are posted on ‘review boards’ by clients who have seen them.
Now for the nitty gritty!
So why screen?
You’ve heard the joke about always bringing a friend along if you meet up with someone to buy something off eBay. Well, this is an amped up version of that. Due to the discretion involved, you’re a stranger from the internet – we need to know above all, that you aren’t going to harm, assault, rob or rape us. We don’t need to know anything truly personal like where you went to high school, names of your family members or anything like that; just that YOU have a clean web presence and can be trusted alone with us. It’s a vulnerable and intimate space, above all we value our safety. Makes sense if you think about it.
I really don’t want to be ‘screened’, how do I know the information I provide will stay safe?
The most common reason people don’t want to be screened is that they are uncomfortable with the process, I get it believe me. They think linking their actual real self to screening is going to somehow come back to bite them. It’s healthy to fear for your privacy, but this step is all about safety, we aren’t trying to play detective to get to know you, just to make sure you aren’t Ted Bundy.
Reputable SWers are discreet, basically we’re like a vault when it comes to keeping things under wraps. Usually staying up on the latest tech, the smartest ways to go about this and even using code for certain activities – we’re masters of privacy, our careers depend on it.  Just think, most of us have close friends and immediate family who don’t know we do this for a living or a hobby – and if we’re capable of keeping that underground; the private info of a single potential client is very easy to keep under wraps.
So long as you don’t give a provider your home address, chose reputable ladies who have been reviewed and maintain a solid web presence and reputation, you’ll be fine. No provider would risk her entire career just to ‘out’ you.
Starting out, establishing your first references: How do providers screen?
Well at first, there’s a variety of methods. Usually a SWer will want to verify you are who you say you are – so a professional reference (your name and job) will suffice, LikedIn profile or maybe even a social media profile. Not everyone requires this but your first establishment of references may feel a little more exposing then it will in the future. Expect this, it’s normal. Tens of thousands of other clients have gone through the process – you are not being singled out. After you score your first booking, future providers will likely just ask who can vouch for you, you’ll offer the name of the last provider(s) you saw and it’ll be over in a flash!
What we say to each other:
Don’t worry, the intel providers exchange is pretty low key. We aren’t trying to load up each others inbox here and we don’t want to talk shop or gossip, this is just the essentials – we both have other things to do! It’s a professional courtesy to offer a reference, not an opportunity to shoot the breeze.
My responses personally go something like “Oh yeah, I saw Jim. He was a nice guy, I’d welcome him back”. That’s it. Jim is either golden or he’s not.
If there was something a provider really needs to know, I may elaborate more, but these are only extreme situations. “Oh yeah, I saw Jim. His appointment itself was fine but he tried very hard to stay over time, I couldn’t politely conclude the date until we were 20 mins over and he didn’t adjust his donation accordingly. Heads up”
We aren’t here to nitpick Jim, I’m glad he had such a good time he didn’t want to leave but this may effect how the next provider schedules their date and how much padding she might leave at the end.
We’re only passing the most relevant details to another provider so she can be aware of how to preemptively handle situations. 
What if I don’t pass screening:
Brace yourself because it may happen a time or two. It’s not just YOU, it happens to nearly everyone. Sometimes it can be for reasons as intangible as a gut feeling. A provider may decline someone for any reason and it’s not personal. You might share the name of an ex, you may just be someone she thinks she knows from her personal life or she might just not feel you’re going to click.  If you start the screening process and don’t hear back – it’s acceptable to follow up once. If you still don’t get a reply, move on. Don’t take it personally, don’t antagonize.
Why wouldn’t she just tell me I didn’t pass screening instead of making me wait?
The honest answer to this is two fold:
  1. Because MOST people don’t take that well. Rejection is poorly handled for the most part – I’m sure you’ve seen it especially on twitter or various apps; women will post photos of exchanges they’ve had in chat with someone where a polite ‘no thanks’ was met by a flurry of verbal sewage. We don’t want to open the door to arguments, attempts to change our minds, harassment, verbal assault or threats. We aren’t betting that’s how you are going to respond to a polite decline, but historically, I’d say 90% of the time; that’s what happens.
  1. We don’t want to jeopardize the other provider you may have used as a vouch. If she wouldn’t welcome you back for her own reasons; she isn’t the one standing between you and the second provider, she may be a factor in that decision but ultimately it was her ‘fault’. Also, they very well might have said you’d be an absolute gem and for other reasons we decided to pass. We don’t want to invite backlash for her either so we may simply stop responding. It’s not personal.
Okay with so much discretion, how will someone remember me to serve as my reference?
This is up to the memory of the provider. Usually, if you’re someone we’ve seen once, we’ll remember you for a few weeks or months. If you’re more regular – that sticks.
Many clients use fake names and the majority of our clients tend to fall into very similar groups, saying you are Jim, 5ft 11in 190lbs, brown hair isn’t going to help, if you get my drift. It’s low lighting, there’s a lot going on and we are not studying and judging your body for details so very basic stats aren’t registering with us.
I suggest you do or say something memorable! One client literally did a 5 second jig at my door before he said goodbye. This was 12 years ago and I still remember him. Another knelt down and recited part of my favorite Poe story. Sing her the line of a song, bring her an obscure gift, use the name of something standout-ish like ‘sonic the hedgehog’. This is all vital. We don’t keep written records so if you want that reference to stick – make SURE you politely stand out.
How long is a reference good for?
So, you bit the bullet, saw someone and now have a reference handy. Maybe 6 months down the line you want to try someone else – is that past reference still good? Will they still be willing to vouch for me this many months later?
All providers have a different tolerance for this, often dictated in their website but usually it’s about 6 months to a year depending on our memory. It’s polite to establish and use new references too so if you’re on your 3rd, 4th or 5th provider, you may only want to offer the names of the last 2 SWers you saw so as not to continue burdening provider #1 if you haven’t been back to visit her.
Side note: If you keep using provider #1 for  months or years after she’s already vouched for you to many others – honestly that’s a bit discourteous. It’s a lot of emails for her and may come off after a while as suspicious that you aren’t using your new references. 
Did you not have good dates with the other providers? 
Am I the only one who will vouch for you after a visit? 
were you not pulling though on those appointments? 
I have definitely found myself in that spot before; replying to a reference request where I had to say, “Yeah, I saw Jim a year ago and all was well, but since then I’ve vouched to Christina, Jenna, Lisa and Cameron. If he hasn’t listed them as contacts, that’s a red flag to me.’ I will also personally rescreen Jim to make sure his behavior hasn’t changed before I welcome him back.
Last but not least, a providers vouch can carry you far, treat that like gold! 
If you get to visit someone because you were ‘cleared’ by a provider, make sure you uphold the positive comments she used to assist you. She went out of her way to assure someone else you were polite, safe, reliable and courteous.
If you stand them up, short notice cancel or misbehave in a big way, you better believe provider #2 will be reaching back out to provider #1 to let her know. I’ve even recently had that happen on 2 occasions where a client has short notice canceled on another lady after I gave him a thumbs up without working out an amicable resolution – and while she said she didn’t blame me, she explained the spot that client had put her in. Sure, it wasn’t my fault, but I felt awful! All providers do when they hear negative feedback after giving you a good reference. Don’t do that to us.
Okay, so what if I have to cancel for a legitimate reason and don’t want to lose my references?
This depends on a few things. Make sure the provider you have to cancel on doesn’t have a cancellation policy. If she does, abide by it and all is well. If she doesn’t – don’t think she’s isn’t inconvenienced. Offer to reschedule if you can, perhaps with a deposit to establish trust. If not, offer a sincere apology and move on.
We get that things happen, we are all human; this just happens to be an occupation that demands a lot of time, effort and energy before we are able to receive our tribute. When something falls through – we often are out a lot of time spent and worse; have often turned down other potential visitors holding your spot. Try to be as reliable as you can. Don’t book if you aren’t 100% in that moment you can make it, it’s rude to hold a spot while waiting to make sure your schedule allowed for it and if you have to cancel, accept whatever policy the provider has to handle it.
If you aren’t willing to take those steps – you aren’t ready to see a provider.
I know I threw a lot of information at you, but this is the sort of industry that doesn’t exactly have an official rules. So much of this is a mystery left to be figured out as you go, unless you stumble across little guides like this here and there. If you have accidentally committed a misstep in the past, rest assured that most providers don’t exactly hold grudges. We all understand there’s a learning curve, so do your best, give “great client” and enjoy the hobby.
No Jim’s were harmed in the making of this post
Good evening darling pervs!!
As I’m sure you may have noticed from the recent string of photos and videos on my Twitter profile, the monster machine that is the Combination Dungeon from Fetters has finally arrived in my studio!
I’ve been nothing but a flurry of latex clad excitement and renewed creativity as I put this beast together and finally began breaking it in with one of my favorite playmates! Summer always takes a toll on me but this has been my absolute salvation!
It occurred to me, even though I was the one that scouted this out, picked each option and put it together; I was still amazed to learn all the various functions and options for how this delicious stack of metal might be used. So really, my poor audience has been left with only a half hearted impression – and that simply will not do!
How on earth can I expect my doomed darlings to fantasize about your various predicaments if you don’t even know what’s available?
So, today’s post to simply going to break down exactly what the fuss is all about!
For clarity, here’s the official photo from the Fetters website, sometimes staged shots are the best option…


But here it is in my space…


Stretching Rack (arms, legs, delicate bits)

The common theme in almost every visitors fantasy is a craving for inescapable bondage. The exposure that comes along with not being able to shift your limbs even one optimistic inch is pivotal to any really successful feeling of capture. Now, beyond merely tightly tied ropes or well placed cuffs, I can pull you tight, arms high above head, truly leaving you vulnerable to my every wicked wish.

Leather Belting System

10 thick, fully adjustable, body compressing leather belts straddle the entire length of this table for either minimal or maximum multifaceted bondage. Leather lovers rejoice, I can thoroughly secure you in your material of obsession; pressing you down, holding you tight, teasing your skin and muscles as you fruitlessly fight for leverage. Despite the paralyzing restriction, this is comfortable enough for even the longest extended or overnight scenes.


Whipping Bench

I once had a kneeling bench, now a relic from my first dungeon’s incarnation, that was the bane of many suitors. This whipping bench does not rely on kneeling, but rather standing or dangling over the severe arched, but well padded curve, eliminating tension for those who’s bodies didn’t quite fit the rigid confines of the previous ‘one size fits all’ device that used to grace my space.

This can be used with the belt system and stretching rack for a very deep feeling of being left and held helplessly in a punishment pose for as long as I deem necessary.

Overhead Racks

Ever wishing that I had several additional hands in the dungeon to help complete a feeling of sensory overload, I’ve turned to extras like this for those moments of ‘more’. Perfect for predicaments like tightly tied balls strung high above or nipples held firm by clamps and secured to these posts; you’ll be at a loss to move, flinch or even breathe deeply without adding to your torment.

Gyno Stirrups

If we’ve met, you know I’m invasive. It’s just my thing. I need to make someone feel spread open, exposed and watched. Just having someone bound with their legs propped up implies I could penetrate you anytime, for any reason – a powerful feeling especially if you’re blindfolded.
Then there’s the practical application: with all the rigid restriction above, to be left spread eagle like this and used…. words simply fail to describe the immense feeling of being displayed.


CBT table

This was quite a shock when it arrived, but this gorgeous table has a hole, perfectly sized to fit your family jewels as you lie face down. The implications are pretty staggering but all I envision is some unique forced bi predicaments (the hole hangs just above the cage) and various, cruel cock and ball tortures.

Puppy cage (see above)

I suppose no dungeon is complete without a cage or two and this has grown on me tremendously.
I’ve used it several times now to isolate a prisoner, leave him safe and sound while I go about my day – rewarding him with certain deviant treats fed through the hole above. Or more cruelly – as the bottom is metal – to electrify with my violet wand, sending tingles or shocks through the entire cage; a sublime addition to my interrogation scenarios.
So there you have it! I know my videos and tweets have been a total tease only showing small snippets of the possibilities but now you have your all access view to everything available.
Now, just let me know when curiosities and desire gets the best of you?
It’s beautiful isn’t it?
I don’t know how long exactly I’ve been waiting, 3 months? 6 months? Time passes agonizingly slow when something this perfect is on your horizon; but every day, I’d imagine where in line this gorgeous piece was in the factory order.
Sitting at 9ft by 5ft, this rubbery monster takes up nearly half the floor space in the main room of my dungeon and is the crowning glory to my otherwise spectacular collection of latex bondage items. I have every bag, sack, rubber jacket imaginable – all the hoods, gags and restraints one could hope for, but a proper vac bed: that has evaded my collection for too long!
I’m officially making this available to my heavy rubber lovers (by specific request of course), from here on out!

A couple of notes should be mentioned at this point; some more obvious than others, BUT I’m never one to shy away from being thorough, now am I?
If you have a latex allergy, this is not available to you. 
I know, it’s heartbreaking, but it’s for your own safety.
Self tests with a rubber glove are advised, but may not be conclusive.
If you’ve ever had an allergic reaction to rubber, I cannot offer you full body covering latex play, even if it is your kink. Allergic reactions can range from mild rashes to full on anaphylactic shock.
If you have severe latex allergy my entire dungeon is unsafe for you. 
(i.e. you are triggered by breathing near rubber)
Please read up on latex allergy and exposure to be made aware of the rare but potential risks.
Requests for the vac bed must be made in advance. 
It takes 90 minutes to assemble and polish and about 60-90 minutes to clean and dry afterwards. I won’t be able to have this just lying around ready to go due to it’s size and it’s not feasible to ‘quickly’ put together if you decide close to your booking that you’d like to explore it. No less than 24 hours notice is required, though ideally, you’ll let me know when booking.
This will absolutely fall under the heavy rubber tribute of 300/hr for play with a minimum of 2 hours without exception. 
This is to account for the expense of the item, normal wear and tear, and the additional time need to prepare and clean up.
You break it, you buy it!
I’m making it clear up front, that any misuse of this item that causes it to tear or rip, will require your full immediate reimbursement.
Money for patch jobs will not be accepted – I expect my gear to remain in the exact same quality and condition as before we begun, sans normal wear and tear.
All items in my dungeon are kept to an immaculate ‘like new’ standard without exception. Damage almost always occurs when someone tries something I tell them not to, attempts to ‘escape’ or stretch to ‘test’ the restriction of the rubber – or when someone just flails around like a child.
Don’t be that client…. let’s have a sexy rubber time 😉
I had a small twitter tirade yesterday… you may have noticed.
A topic came up, one that I’d usually brush off, but struck a huge nerve with me.  I can’t let it go. I want to, I’m trying to, but no… not today.
I absolutely hate seeing dissension in the SW world; especially with the ever pervading us .vs them mentality with general society at large. We fight against misconception, stereotype and in these days, we fight just to survive. Fighting each other, especially without *good* cause, is honestly, petty at best. Who really has the time or emotional energy for school yard negativity anyway?
A tweet was released by a Dominatrix, someone I don’t know and frankly I don’t know how I came to see her post. I’m not trying to make an expample of her directly but we’ve all seen comments like this so I’ll share her words to offer context.
She says…
“I have a question…. what is it with Mistresses stroking slave cock in preview videos or dungeon scenes? I get you want to sell clips, but if you keep that up slaves will EXPECT such behavior from their Mistresses and that would be disgusting. YOU are better than a hand job!”
Maybe it was the last sentence. You are better than a hand job. Or maybe worse, it’s that she’s blaming porn stars for the potential ‘expectations’ of a client. Who knows….
To blame one person, for the not-even-yet-happened expectations of another, and to do so with such venom, I can’t wrap my head around.
It also frustrates me to no end when any one person feels like they are able to speak to what should or shouldn’t be allowed in someone else’s content or session… or that certain actions are disgusting just because YOU don’t offer them.
There isn’t one correct vision of BDSM and I don’t think a single Top in her right mind would appreciate someone else laying out what is permissible across the board.
Maybe when we all once had to rely on single line print ads that gave us zero opportunity to expand, that would create a larger need for a general concenses. I remember those days and I could kinda see that, but with modern ad platforms and websites – we can be as diverse as we want to, having plenty of opportunity to clarify our offerings and boundaries with as many words as we’d like.
I mean we all have different rules and interests anyway, largely based around what turns us on, what we specialize in and what falls within our comfort zone. If one Domina is a little more rigid than another – that’s 100% fine! You will attract the kind of clients who appreciate that dynamic as long as you communicate that! That’s why we advertise; so we can be clear. So we can lay the path of what a client CAN assume in a session with us. Its a system that seems to work quite nicely all around.
Our visitors are smart, accomplished and very self aware – they aren’t the clueless animals you’re painting them to be who see something and naturally assume it will happen universally with every Dominatrix. I’ve absolutely never had someone come in and press me for an act they saw in porn. You know why? They read my ads, my website and then I screen to create a linear agreement, something I would be doing anyway to ensure compatibility – not just to make sure they know I’m not a porn star (cough).
Now, if I were to really get down to speculation, I know some people with more strict boundaries aren’t taking issue with the misconception of client expectation – but that perhaps the fluctuating boundaries of others don’t line up in what they’re comfortable in offering. If one Mistress gives “more”, perhaps that will threaten the other Dommes business if she’s more reserved.
Let’s not pretend that the view of BDSM is being tainted by someone receiving erotic enjoyment. And let’s not pretend this is a prudish act completely removed of all sexuality. There will be some who crave the more rigid, hands off style Dominatrix and others who want more….but to say they will EXPECT a universal flexible boundary across the board…? Ludicrous. To imagine they might do something to press you, put you in danger or perhaps make a move on you: that’s another topic entirely and you definitely can’t blame porn for it.
If you see posts like his, Dear Readers, just know that it does NOT reflect the general viewpoint of ALL Mistresses. We definitely don’t ALL look down on intimate contact, we don’t see it as an incorrect interpretation of BDSM and definitely don’t believe you’re unable to differentiate between fantasies you see online and the realty you’d experience in the flesh.
In closing, and here’s my most underlined point of them all: don’t let someone shame your sexuality.
No matter what side you fall to, no matter what you’re into. If someone is saying the word ‘disgusting’ as this Domme chose to, in relation to an action – realize this says more about them than you.
Bdsm is about freedom from shame… embrace that and sharply and unreservedly discard anyone who dares to tell you to feel otherwise.
This morning I woke up with a smile…
A reminder on my phone is set to notify me of any and all important upcoming dates and with so many treacherous and attractive deviants on my agenda – I had barely noticed we are nearly ready to pounce into Summer!
For me, that means one special thing in particular – it’s officially just over a month *33 days*, until my birthday!
I signify that countdown every year for one reason in particular; it’s a warning.
As someone who often does exactly as I please on a daily basis, I take deep pride in doing so with absolutely no hesitation or restraint in the weeks leading up to my special day. I’m not much of a ‘birthday person’ per se, but I’ll take any excuse to push the envelope, let my hair down and sink my teeth and claws a little further into you….
With that thought lingering, it’s fairly obvious that gift I’d like most is your presence in my dungeon!  Whether I’ve just seen you last week or haven’t had your helpless, naked form in my studio for 6 months; my greatest pleasures in life are always going to involve rope, leather and soundproof walls. I am a tireless pervert so your physical submission (and endurance) is what will make my heart race the most.
While June’s availability seems to evaporate with each update, remaining possibilities can be found here: and July is still wide open and ready for the taking!
Now as some of you, very sadly, just can’t exactly submit in the flesh, but still wish to offer celebration and adoration, I do have some wish lists floating around! Though please believe me – no gifts or recognition of any sort is necessary! This post is strictly for those who *enjoy* going a bit out of their way to serve their Domina.
My favorite stores happen to be….
Though before I forget, it’s worth saying that while material objects are lovely, I also have a huge heart for animal welfare.  Donations to the ASPA or  The Animal Hope & Wellness Foundation (my favorite!) are *massively* appreciated! Or better still, adopt a local shelter cat or dog in my honor – and let me give it a properly wicked and adorable name.
Last but not least, I’ve got BIG changes coming to the dungeon, but the one I’m dreading the most is a thick sea of black carpet. If you’re a pet who enjoys more practical tributes, I’m openly accepting monetary donations to defray the astronomical $5700 total that it’ll take to blanket my 1800 sqft dungeon. If you’d like to donate towards that, feel free to reach out to me privately for my vanilla paypal address.
Now….let the fun (and the count down) begin!