Phone call cluster fuck

Apparently, a large number of Latino men want to fuck me.

I’ve started placing ads in the Seattle Weekly adult section, which has clear separation of cataories…massage/escorts/fetish etc… I, of course, am placed in the fetish section – along with a few other fine ladies. It’s a clearly marked portion of the paper placed apart from other ads to avoid confusion.

When you place an ad in such a public forum the response is always a mixed bag. My phone has been ringing off the hook this week, I mean upwards of about 30 calls a day, however only about 12 of those calls are seriously inquiring about my BDSM services. The other calls? Non english speaking boys who would like to know “if the push is good”….”where I live”….and my personal favorite..”I know you girls will kick a guy in the balls until he cries…but do you ever do it until he comes?….and maybe with your hand instead?” – Wow what a round about way to ask if I give hand jobs. You’ve already made the jump of calling me in the first place, why not just be honest about your intentions? No smoke screen needed.

It’s cute really, I’m amused. I’m not thrilled to see how far above my minute plan I will be this month, but I am getting a kick out of this so far. Another fun thing I’d like to share is the late night calls where it seems like I’m being repeatedly drunk dialed.

“Ohhhhh Mistress – I need a spanking, I wanna be turned into your little girl if that’s acceptable. Price is no object!” – Wow…Price is no object eh? I’m gonna call bullshit. What a silly way to try to make your message seem more valid. At 2:30am you should be sleeping, not trying to impress me with your endless femminization budget.

Another good one – “Mistress, I saw your pictures online and I’m not near you (he’s 700 miles away) – I was wondering if I might have your permission to masturbate to your images?” How sweet of you…to call and ask my permission. Because we all really believe that if I said “no”, you would obediently close my photo gallery, put your dick back in your pants and take a cold shower. Hey, at least he didn’t beat around the bush – no pun intended.

Sigh – so this is my short Sunday recap. I’m sitting on my couch, getting a good laugh from this past week. Hopefully, this little posting will make some of you crack a smile as well.

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