Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the first ever “Weenie Awards”!!!!

 I had almost forgotten about this contest to be truthful. Since I posted my last blog mentioning that anyone who sent me unsolicited cock shots would be publicly shamed by being posted here in public, I’ve gotten almost NO pictures of dicks. I’m thrilled, but at the same time, the idea of a “tiny unit” award ceremony had grown on me. I did get 5 entries but only 2 are worth mentioning, so if you sent me a photo of your junk and you don’t see it mentioned below – that means I didn’t even find your silly little clit stick worth making fun of in public forum.

Soo without further ado…

The most WORTHLESS dick goes to – this guy! (sorry privacy protection in affect).

This dick has been given the award for two reasons.

#1 He CLEARLY has an erection – but there’s nothing to his tool. It’s so slender!

I have a vibrator called a “slim line” (lol) that looks exactly like it. I used it ONCE and it felt like I was masturbating with a pencil. It went into the trash immediately….and I know I know, it may look somewhat sizable in proportion, but notice his frame…he himself is somewhat on the thin side, so don’t be fooled…his dick only looks a bit bigger because it’s in comparison to the rest of him. This is still a laughable unit.

#2 There’s no personality to this cock. Yes, personality is required. It’s not enough to be long and thick, your dick must offer MORE to be worth any womans time. It needs to have a curve, it needs to have veins…it doesn’t need to be able to perform stand up comedy or mix a proper martini – but a little more than a lump of hard flesh is needed if you want to impress anyone. It just looks like he’s just pointing. BORING.

So you with the useless dick, congratulations, you win my award. I hope it keeps you warm at night to know I’d never fuck you.

Now, for my second award….

Tiniest dick….EVER.

I’ve seen a lot of them in my time, but wow man…what the fuck would I even do with this? It’s entirely saggy – even the sack is saggy. I sincerely hope you’ve had some form of castration to make you look this way because if NOT, the heavens were NOT on your side when your genitals were crafted. At least this dick has a bit of persinality….but even at that, it’s a sad one. This dick reminds me of a guy who goes to bars every night but sits in the corner of the room grumbling to himself about why he never gets any action. The dick itself is sad….I can’t imagine how long it’s been since this poor guy got laid, but truthful darling, it’s time to pack it in – it’s over….you’ll never score with that.

And so concludes my awards….I only scar the ones I love, so while you two may walk away with emotional bruises just know I had a good laugh at your expense and MY happiness here is what really matters.