Being specific about your fantasies VS topping from the bottom

Here’s a topic that seems to come up all the time and is the bane of many a submissive visitor.

You have VERY specific fantasies in mind, certain words and activities that need to be included into their playtime “just so” to create that ultimate experience you’ve been looking for…BUT, you struggle with the concept of sharing that because you don’t want to be seen as topping from the bottom.

I assure you, there’s a difference between being communicative in what you like and being a bossy bottom.

The thing you have to remember  about BDSM is, for most, it’s a luxury. It’s not the most affordable thing you can do with your free time if you explore it with a professional,  and more often than not, it’s difficult to find a time that you can step away from your everyday life to enact these scenarios. When you do manage to get an opportunity,  you’ll want it to be memorable!

Being specific in your interests is actually something MOST Mistresses love. The more we know about you and what makes you weak in the knees, the more specific we can be in creating a scenario just for you. Ultimately, we want our playthings to come back as often as they can, so making sure you are enjoying yourself as much as we are is obviously very important!

Now, the trick is how to tell the difference between being open and clear about your interests and outright attempting to script the session. So for you lovely boys who have given this a LOT of thought and still seek a little guidance on the matter, he’s a Domme’s view on the difference!

There are certain times throught the booking process where you are given a chance to open up and share. Usually on the phone as you are booking and also when you arrive a sit down chat is always a part of the deal. If there’s a slew of details you need taken into account, you are always going to be able to send an email prior to your visit (at least the day before) so she can read it over and consider what you’ve said. So long as you are making requests AHEAD of time, she will have time to incorporate your interests into hers so the session is MUTUALLY enjoyable. Bringing hand written stories when you show up for playtime is unacceptable unless you’re going to take time from your playdate to let her read it.

The key to everything I’ve said above – is making your important requests known BEFORE playtime begins.

The bossy bottom will almost always downplay what they REALLY want until they are knee-deep in the scene, then all of a sudden, it dawns on them that their Mistress is doing what SHE enjoys or thinks you’ll be interested in, not what you were hoping she’d “just know” you’d want to do. Almost all playtoys who top from the bottom are sparse in communication from the beginning.

It is never acceptable to treat a dominatrix like a hired latex clad servant you can just direct. “Mistress, why don’t you put me on that rack and use the other paddle to punish me” is a clear example of this horrid behavior. You can always make requests in scene, but they will always need to be phrased as such….a request…not a command.

Most of you boys are so innocent and you over think what will offend your Dominant. You forget that we’re professionals and as long as you’re making an effort to follow her protocol and show respect, you’ll be fine. Don’t hesitate to make your NEEDS known for fear of coming off as being in control. Just remember, you are only making requests!

Any good Top is going to take those requests and do them in a style that suits her. She should be able to see through those requests and elevate them a bit with a mix of techniques and elements you may not have even thought of. You give us raw material….we create an experience.




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