Sex Work, Clients and The Duty of Care

The other day, I decided to take a half day to myself… a little “me time” amidst an otherwise extraordinarily busy week to settle my nerves and relax my over tired body.
I capped it off in the way that most of my clients do – by visiting the practitioner of their choice – to help them shake off the week. Mine happened to be a therapeutic massage – I’ve always gone this route when I need to shut my brain down for a bit and put myself in the knowing hands of someone else, so to say I was looking forward to my table time would be a drastic understatement.
The therapist I ended up with was a new one for me, and despite my communications on the type of experience I was after – he delivered a standard routine that was a clear step by step process he had memorized to complete his hour requirement. I knew immediately that this was *not* for me, but told him how I needed him to amend the pressure (no one likes deep elbow work in their sacrum triangle) and tried to relax the best I could.
Unfortunately, aside from disregarding general technique or individual client needs, this person took advantage of my calm demeanor and nurturing tone to unload some personal issues he needed to talk out without pause. Some topics made me VERY uncomfortable, relating to a break up he had with someone where he scared her so badly she moved out – all while I lay on his table, undressed and trying to decompress.
It was by far, my worst experience with *any* professional and it had me questioning whether or not I’d ever find myself paying for a massage again, despite having nearly a hundred positive experiences in many other locations before this. The manager of the spa was quick to apologize, refund me and have a chat with the practitioner, but waking up this morning – I still feel a distinct aversion to allowing someone to work on me again. I felt the client/professional boundary was both broken and blatantly ignored.
I share this experience for one very direct reason – I can imagine exactly what it must feel like for new clients to visit a dominatrix. Or more directly, for some people to recover from a bad experience with a sex worker enough to give them the courage and determination to try again.
As a Pro Domme in particular, I feel an extra push to make people feel comfortable in communicating with me, not just before I have someone tied up, but during and after as well. If someone is having a bad time or are experiencing something they’d really rather not,  I’d want to know! And it’s really up to me to create and maintain an environment and dynamic where that kind of sharing feels welcomed. Not everyone is responsive in situations like this and on occasion, both body language and verbal queues may be non existent – but I can’t imagine any professional wanting their client to just stay silent and ‘endure’ a scene that isn’t working for them.
While I might be a bit ruined for hands on therapeutic care myself, I walk away taking this as a powerful lesson in making sure to both deeply listen to my partner when we’re about to engage in something intimate and ensuring their comfort in being able to share when they aren’t.
Just because you are in the care of someone else, does not mean you aren’t entitled to make sure that care is happening – even if that form of care happens to involve whips and chains.

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One Thought to “Sex Work, Clients and The Duty of Care”

  1. Dan

    Domina Rage,
    We never sessioned together, but the more I read your blog, the clearer it is that you’re a wonderful person on many levels. Your passion and enthusiasm for a variety of kinks and their nuances stand out in a positive way. I sense that you truly want to create a positive and lasting impression on worthy submissives with each session. Recognizing that for many of us, a session is a luxury, similar to you receiving a massage. I also sense (again, based on your blog) that your sessions are far from cookie cutter. They’re custom built with thought, care and focus on the submissive’s desires. What makes all of this even better is that I believe you possibly get as much pleasure out of providing the experience as a submissive gets from receiving. Your desire to understand a submissive, and eagerness explore their fantasies to their full depth, maybe even pleasantly deeper than a submissive is able to express, but always within their limits, makes you truly wonderful. Based on pictures alone (we have no personal experience together), your dungeon and equipment seem to make for an inviting environment where a submissive can let their guard down and relinquishing control with the knowledge that they’re in good hands in a safe environment with a trustworthy Domina. As a submissive, trust is tremendously important in being able to enjoy the limited time we have together. I believe it’s appreciated by so many others as well. Thank you for fostering that trust and maintaining it in a way that I believe you see as a core value.

    Regretfully the provider you saw for a massage didn’t have the same values. I hope you never experience that again. I also hope that you’re able to find another provider that listens, understands and follows through with your desires while inspiring trust.

    Finally, thank you for keeping up your blog. I might not comment on every post but I read them all and love hearing your perspective on the many different topics you’ve written about.


    P.S. I’d like to session with you if/when you visit Los Angeles. I’d like it even more if I could get my butt to Seattle where it could happen in your own dungeon, in your own element, where I believe it would be so much better.

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